Friday, March 30, 2007

On the Down low...

A Tale for Modern times?

Once upon a time, people had to journey to the river or town well to fetch water. They hauled skins or pots of water back to their house. Sometimes they hauled the water in a picturesque fashion, such as atop their noggin or on a yoke. I believe we have come full circle. This thought came to me as I was hauling the bottled water from my car to the house. I didn’t try to balance the water on my cranium, however.

And the Bunny Failed to Rise Again on the Third Day

Hope everyone is over the bunny poem. Was it in poor taste? Why yes it was, but then mom always said do what you do best. Got to respect mom’s wishes after all. Remember I neither killed the rabbit nor took the picture, though I could eat hasenpfeffer while holding a bunny in my lap without any qualms.

There and back again, a kid’s tale…

Things are going to be touch and go for the next week, so please be patient – I may not be visiting you all as often, or at all, and the posting may be a tad scarce. No worries, just the way it works out. I just don’t want anyone thinking I was in a snit or anything was amiss. I really enjoy seeing what you all have been up to and a more talented, fun loving bunch would be hard to find. I will be back before you know it, or in the now famous words of General Douglas MacArthur, “Where’s my f**cking pipe”?!

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Walk it Off

Whenever I start feeling put upon or overwhelmed one name leaps to mind – Bonsha the Silent. Bonsha was a lowly person afloat upon a sea of shit. He bore every shovelful that came his way in silence, accepting his fate without complaint, without crying to someone else to take up his burden. In the end an Angel recognizes the strength of Bonsha’s character and plucks him from the sea of shit.

I wish I could be like Bonsha – not the shit part, but the fortitude part.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

A Lively Theory and One Very Dead Bunny

Fun and Sun in the Faaaaaaaaar West or Plants Are Our Friends

I went on a field trip with the Geography department and we set out on the Fun and Frolic in the Old West Tour. We had authorities on various subjects that would add to the professors’ description of the areas we stopped to examine. One of the guys was a budding botanist, no pun intended, and he was the keeper of the “Plants of the West” book. He would take his turn and point out the different plants and tell us a little about each one. The Indians (AKA Native Americans) used about every plant we came across according to his description. The funny part was the statement “The Indians smoked this during ceremonial rites”. This phrase followed nearly 45% of the plant descriptions, leading me to come up with new theory on the highly mobile tribes of the plains.

I can see the village, women tending gardens, scraping hides, making pemmican and watching the babies while the boys gathered ’round the old fire to swap hunting tales and imbibe. “What’re we gonna smoke today”? “Spotted Horse found this down by the creek, looks like it is dry enough to try, who has the pipe”?

So my theory is that the Indians migrated, not to follow the buffalo as is the current thought, but rather they were forced to move because they smoked everything there was to smoke where they had camped, and moved on in search of new herbage.

I am going to try for a grant to pursue this someday…

Easter is upon us

Someone sent me a picture of a Black Lab eating a bunny with the caption "Easter has been Canceled". I didn't post the picture because it was a bit graphic and I don't want to run into the problems chicke did when she went for a "family" rating on her site and was denied. I was, however, inpsired to write a poem about the picture...

There’s a dead Bunny in the Woodpile

By Phos

A dead bunny is funny

his blood all sticky and runny

His bunny body mushed

Bunny head crushed

Thoroughly beaten

Partially eaten

A Dead Bunny is funny…

Feel free to share with your friends!!

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Monday, March 26, 2007

Air Show

Here are some of the planes I got to see at the air show...





Saturday, March 24, 2007

A Show of Force 07

The air show was good. They had a “private” show for the denizens of the air-patch. It was nice because I was able to get some photos without extraneous snapperheadage. The downside is not all of the aircraft had arrived yet

I am mucking about with the photos and will post them shortly…

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

If You Want Rain, Schedule an Air Show

Despite the gloomy forecast, the Thunderbirds arrived at Luke AFB. We had some powerful T-storms roll through the area and it looks as though we are going to have rain all weekend.

The rain is nice, the lightning we could do without - it has been a dry winter and there is a lot of dry brush just waiting for an excuse to burst into flames. I guess the lightning wasn’t much of a threat in the long run because the storm was a real frog choker (sts).

I am not going to the show per se, but I am going to take advantage of the fewer numbers of folks and try to get some pictures of the visiting aircraft tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t have to Photoshop out the deluge. I have added a short video clip, but please bear in mind I took it with my “walking around camera”, and the video feature on the camera is kind of an afterthought.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Glacial Debris

When I think back to my childhood, though Mrs Phos is convinced it is still in full swing, one place leaps to mind almost immediately - Mauthe Lake. Located in the Northern Kettle moraine and once Known as Moon Lake it has been the source of some of my most pleasant memories, whether it be walking the trail, swimming, or flaming barricades, my brother and I always had a great time. Later in life, the lake became our HQ for deer hunting and its proximity to the Fin and Feather restaurant didn’t hurt. Nothing like a cold Leinie’s and a passable prime rib after a day of sitting in the woods freezing your ass off. I think just sharing the time with my brother was worth the trip, we had the time of our lives. Thanksgiving was the best. If we were lucky, the lake was frozen and we could claim abandoned ice fishing holes and try our hand at ice fishing. That never worked out that well, but the trip though the frozen swamp to reach the New Prospect sports store to buy wax worms (and smoke bombs of course) was half the fun. I didn’t mind the cold so much back then. Spring, summer and fall was fishing off the pier, night hikes looking for deer and some mischief, or playing games in the trailer with a few other kids while mixing “suicides” out of various flavors of soda. When I am feeling bad I like to ravel back there in my mind – that is one part of the Great Frozen Nation I do miss.

Gnat's really got his glass on and a new look to boot, turning out some great pieces, and Sugarfoot has some great tips for exploring the wilderness – some I wish I had when we made that trip through t he swamp. Drop by Blogger World Cooking if you get a chance, leave a recipe or take one, but do drop by. In fact, there are many interesting people just a click away. I have the links on the side mostly for my convenience, but feel free to take a different path, never know when you might find a new friend!

moment of silence

Larry-Bud Melman

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Monday, March 19, 2007

Gramps Grumbles

I don’t hold with disrespecting animals…

Here’s what needs to happen to Ramy Brooks

1. Take his dogs away

2. Beat him with a stick till he drops then beat him some more

3. Disqualify him from anything to do with animals for life

4. Toss his ass in jail

5. Beat him some more with the stick

Here’s what needs to happen with the CEO of Menu Foods

1. Take his dogs away if he has any

2. Feed him a heapin’ helpin’ of the poison crap he peddled to the public

3. Toss his ass in Jail

4. Borrow Ramy’s stick and beat him with it.

Immigration and the Gilbert Politic-speak police

A cop stopped some teens for drag racing and reckless driving. Upon questioning the driver the cop found out the kid didn’t have a license with him, but had a Mexican driver's license at home. This made the cop suspicious so he called ICE. Ice came, interviewed the kids and decided they needed a trip back to their side of the border.

The Politik-speak police in Gilbert decided to chime in saying that she hoped it "wasn’t a case of racial profiling"…

My problem with that

1. Who the hell does she think is coming over the border, Lithuanians?

2. The kids where stopped for commission of a crime

3. The cop didn’t deport anyone, he called in ICE.

4. Illegal means illegal until such time as the illegals are given different status by our gov’t.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Hello World...

I turned yet another corner in life, this one most pleasant, and became a grandfather. I have been yakking incessantly on this subject for the past week, so I figure the least I could do is post a picture. The picture is great because it has not only my grandson, but my grand puppy as well. It will be interesting to see how the two hit it off – there will be some adjusting to the pecking order.

I get to meet the little rascal (rascality is hardwired into Phos DNA) in a couple weeks and I am looking forward to that meeting. Best of all I only have to hold him when is dry and stank free and can pass him off like the proverbial hot potato when he starts the all too familiar grimacing.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pacing the Floor

I read an article claiming time travel is impossible. Something about being able to go backwards and forwards in space and distance, but the ways the law of physics are set up, you can only go forward in time. This latest revelation is disappointing in that this means I can’t travel back in time and kick myself in the ass for buying a house in El mirage.

This is going to be short as I am on the cusp of grandpahood. Pretty exciting stuff. I thought maybe they would name the lad Phos II, or Phosworth, or something like that, but maybe it would be best if Phos didn’t become a family name. I just barely dodged the old family name - McAllister. Fortunately for me my Dad’s Labrador retriever was selected to carry on the tradition. I don’t think dogs care what you call them as long as there is food involved.

The Maintenance required light went on, reminding me of Little Lamb’s post on auto repairs. It is no coincidence that the light flicked don the minute I hit 10K miles. I was told by the deal that “We need to do an inspection on the car”. So now even your own car has been turned against you.

I think we should start dirty sock Wednesday, like Half Naked Thursday, only with socks.

I found out from KB that New Zealand doesn’t have Kangaroos, or Kookaburras, or dingoes. I am thinking about taking up a collection to buy them some, because it just doesn’t seem right them not having any. Well, at least they have hobbits there…

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Hot Time at the Tiny House

Just got done writing about spring at the Tiny House and happened to glance at the Camp Northstar weather dial and noticed it the needle was rising rapidly. I checked it with my snappy-dappy indoor outdoor digital thermometer and both concurred that it was 98. If we had spring ti was about 3AM this morning and we have leapt right into summer. On the other hand, if this is a spring time temp, summer is going to be a real bitch!

The rose bush seems to be enjoying the heat, however…

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Spring comes to Tiny House

A New Season Crashes into Tiny House

Spring fell upon us in a brash manner and appears all too willing to cede its turn to Summer. We are looking at scraping the 90s this weekend and are in fact, nearly there. Tiny House remains relatively cool thanks to tile floors and ceiling fans. I dread the day I have to turn the air-conditioning on, probably as much as the electric company reverse the onset of high temps. The hum of the coolers on the houses is the sound of money flowing into their pockets. There is no choice for us with the pups. Long furred dogs cooped up in the house need the cooling and I do not begrudge them the comfort. Daughter o' Phos files expenses for her dog under entertainment and rightly so. Dogs provide a pleasant distraction, though on their own terms and often at the least opportune moment. The fact you just fell asleep carries no weight with them when they want to play.

Roses Amongst the Frost

We had a rough frost, for here and many of the neighborhood trees and plants succumbed to the rime. I fear for the lemon stick and the rose bush, but both appear to have recovered admirably, the rose serenading us with blooms for our concern. I often think about planting another to keep it company, but have yet to develop the energy to do so.


There is a certain comfort in knowing what the day will bring. Every weekend I clean the house. I cleaned the house last weekend, will clean it this weekend, and know exactly what I will be doing nest weekend. This dovetails quite nicely with the week, where I know exactly what I will be doing each and every day. No adventure, no mystery, just waking up to the life o’ Phos and pressing on. Sad really, but there you are.

Death Rides a Silver Can

I am a killer at heart. My latest victims were two teams of hornets playing Trading Spaces under my eaves. They make use of my house but pay no rent so they had to go. I laid some chemical warfare on them with predictable results. People are altogether too casual in the use of household insecticide. It is in fact a type of nerve agent, a chemical that attacks the central nervous system causing everything to shut down in a series of agonized convulsions. An incredibly unpleasant death and the reason the Air Force issued me the garb you see me wearing in my avatar. If you look on the can before you wield it you will notice the antidote is atropine. I carried an atropine injector for the very same reason. Just food for though next time you go to hose down the house with that can of raid.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

An Idle Mind

Requiem for a Refrigerator

She was with us for six years, ever faithful, keeping us well fed. She was cold and unfeeling, but warmed to us near the end. Alas, that proved her undoing.

Illegal Immigration

I have an illegal immigration problem closer to home. I have put up a wall, maintain a police force, yet illegals scale the wall and evade the police, crossing the borders of my CPU and take refuge in my mailbox and unguarded areas of my Blog. So far most are just here to work – they try selling me sexual enhancement products, swing me a deal on my mortgage, of offer me stock tips. However there are a few that try to lure me into dark alleyways where they can rob me and do me harm.

Jack Lelanne is still alive?

Jack Lelanne was the proto-fitness guru in the 60s. He would do spectacular feats if strength and endurance to show what healthy living and buying his health products could do for you. He is 97 and still doing promotional tours so I guess the health products he recommends aren’t the useless crap I thought they were.

Belly Dancing Hillbilly Style

Want to "squeal like a pig" with laughter? head over to Jewel's Blog and check out the second video. BYOB - Bring Your Own Banjo

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Blathering Along

Mixed messages

I thought it was interesting that here were two articles side-by-side one on the dangers of speeding in the Valley of the Smudge and the other on the test run for the Open-wheel car race through the streets of downtown Phoenix. Between that and NASCAR out at the PIR you know you are just encouraging Joe Cactushead to try his driving skill on the mean streets of Phoenix.

Good Bye El Nino

Do you miss him? I think we’re going to as it is already up in the 80’s. El Nino had a dampening affect on our summer temps, now not so much. Worse yet if the La Nina some meteorologists are predicting starts up. If it does, it might be a good time to move inland.

Running hot and cold

I suspect that over the weekend Tiny House was hit by a power surge, setting off the smoke detectors and, as we discovered last night stalling the compressor on our fridge. Fortunately, like him or not, Bob Vila came to the rescue. He is still whoring for Sears; where we bought the fridge and on his website, he recommended unplugging the appliance for 10 -15 minutes and then plugging it back in. That gives the compressor enough downtime to reset. It saved me from investing in a new icebox so hats off to Bob.

Note: I may have spoken to soon - damn you Bob Vila!!!! Looks as though Frosty has one caster in the scrap yard. I will be going out to look for a new fridge vice "visiting" tonight. I am not being an asshole or anything, I will be by to visit you all as soon as things cool down -literally.

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Monday, March 05, 2007


I was yakking about content on the web a couple posts ago, this includes video. Jinks dropped by for a visit and left a tip on a great movie “Whatever happened to “The Floor Monkeys”. The video is in the vein of “Best in Show” and “Waiting for Guffman”, very well done and worth a look. There is actually something on U-tube besides two acne scarred teens jousting on tricycles.

Damn Illinois Nazis

Men and women of my father’s generation from around the world banned together and went to a lot of trouble to wipe out Nazism. I am having a rough time understanding why it is suddenly making a come back. One thing hasn’t changed the group is made up of thugs and the clinically insane. I’ve seen film of their demonstrations and marches – what an embarrassment. They make a great argument for limitations of the Right to free speech.

Smoke Alarms 101.

Our smoke alarms decided to go off this past weekend. Why I do not know. There was no fire, I didn’t set the grill up in the living room, and my wife didn’t turn the bathroom into a sauna by letting the shower run for forty-five minutes. The funny part is I didn’t have the slightest idea how to shut them off. I finally talked with an electrician who advised me to just trip the breaker and they would reset. They did and half an hour later they were going off again. I spent most of Sunday climbing up and down a ladder using canned air to blow the husky fur out of the detectors and replacing the batteries – figured while I was up there I might as well accomplish that little chore as well. I am not a ladder kind of guy. My basic rile of thumb is to never climb any higher then I care to fall. That rule has always worked well for me.

Birds Like to Fly Because They Don’t Have to Use the Airport…

Despite my rule on heights I will be climbing into an airplane towards the end of the month. Every time I get done with a flight I swear I will never get on another plane, but sure as hell, before you know it ol’ Phos is airborne again. It has almost become worse trying to run the gauntlet at the airfield than the actual flying. The crowds (I do like people, just not all at once), the luggage monkeys rummaging through my stuff, and the way the airlines have dehumanized us makes flying a real pain in the ass. Sometimes you have to fly, I understand that, but I sure as hell don’t have to like it.

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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Looked for the Moon and got the Bird

watched eagerly for the eclipse but was rather disappointed. The moon did turn a bit dingy looking, but the air quality here in the "Valley of the Smudge" could easily account for the yellowish appearance. The light from the moon was a bit much for my Canon S3 so all I got were bright white lights, though I did capture a nice picture of one of the streetlights, just to the left of the moon. Odd how one blur of light resembles another while trying to focus a camera.

I did take the Leica out, but it is an old school camera so I have to use up the film, get it processed, and see what comes out, if anything. I had help with the exposures, but without a cable release the camera shakes as you take the picture and I am afraid all I may have some photos of blurry lights

All was not wasted, I was able to capture a couple of late evening forays by our Costa’s hummingbird and a young female at the feeder.

I talked a bit about carbon usage and found a calculator. It isn’t the best as it only accounts for travel and power usage in the house, no charcoal or wood burning. I think a reasonable person, even if he or she didn’t buy off on humans as a factor in Global Warming would at least want to minimize their part in wasting resources. The compact fluorescent bulb everyone is yakking about is one of those examples. You may not worry about carbon, but wouldn’t it be nice to cheat the electric company out of some of your hard earned money? Since money trumps right, according to our vaunted leader, then do it for the cash if not for the sake of your kids.

Side Note: I was going to go for the cliché and put a picture of a soap box here, but search as I might I couldn’t find one on the Net. There were some gift boxes, to be sure but nothing I could stand on. There were Soap Box Derby cars I could sit in, but that misses the mark. I could have used a peach crate, but they are rather flimsy, especially for a fat dude like me. That would just end badly. So you will have to settle for this rambling excuse vice a picture of Phos on his soap box. My profound apologies for this disappointment.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

Could be Worse, Could be Raining...

I read a few Blogs last night and found the tone morose. I have therefore decided to spin a tale that as all Fairy Tales ends up happily ever after. You can tell it is a Fairy Tale as it starts out once upon a time, and has Ogres and evil step mothers – the whole shebang. I hope it cheers everyone up because the sad crap is really starting to bum me out.

Once upon a time, there was a young noble; his name is of no consequence to this story, but the entire world was laid out at his feet. He frittered his opportunities away one after another until he brought a terrible curse upon himself. The curse was to labor in the lowliest of taverns, washing and cleaning and could only be undone when he opened his eyes and accepted what life really had to offer. The tavern was owned by a particularly nasty Ogre who had married an evil step-mother from another tale. There was a fairy godmother chained to the stove in the kitchen, and an old pirate working the bar that loved to tell tales of someone named Al Capone. The kitchen was nasty a dirty dark vile hole and despite the best efforts the young noble could only keep the filth at bay. This went on for many long years, until one day a fairy princess entered the tavern.

She was dusky and radiant, wed to the Ogre’s son, in fact. She was originally from the land of Teutonia where she lived with her sisters and lord and lady of the great castle.

The young noble, knave that he was dared asked the lovely princess if she had sister, where upon the fairy sang song of a lovely young Teutonian girl infatuated with a young lout of a prince and therefore out of this lowly kitchen drone’s grasp. The noble went back to his greasy sink fully of filthy dishes and realized there was indeed much he had missed.

Not many months had passed when once again the noble was visited by the Fairy. She bore glad tidings, and an opportunity to break the curse. “My young sister is sad as her prince turned into a lizard, a slimy good for nothing pus ridden reptile. She would meet you and know you better.”

The young noble opened his eyes for the first time and really saw things for what they were. When he met the young Teutonian girl, he embraced her and held her tight for the rest of his life. And they lived happily ever after…

Obligatory Moral:

The moral of the story is if you are confused about life, go clean the kitchen and everything will become clear, if not at least you have a clean kitchen.

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Friday, March 02, 2007

A Mélange from Tiny House

Quiet day today so thought I would take a moment and point out some interesting sites or sights, either way. There is some cutting edge art out there, all viewable from the comfort of your own home, no fee to enter the gallery - I mean come now, it doesn’t get any better then that. Try walking into the local art gallery without any pants on and see what happens. With these galleries no shoes, no shirt, no service is out the window. Along with the comfort factor you’ll be treating your senses to some thought provoking pieces. You may even feel your IQ climb a notch or two, but no guarantees. It is a rare opportunity on the net today to see something besides porn. These art sites actually provide something useful and cultural.




Gnat's Glass

The Jewelry Godess

I am sure there are lots of others out there. You are assured of meeting lots of interesting people by following the links on my page, and following links on theirs, and on and on.

Make sure you look up at Moonrise on 3 Mar. Most places will be able to see a Lunar Eclipse. Head to this site to see what the coverage is like in your area, or check your local news site and once you get past who is leading the pack in American Idol, you may actually find something on the eclipse, or not. I am going to try to take some pictures and have been practicing the last few nights. Hopefully it will all work out – now if I could only get my neighbor to shut off his back light.

Lots of talk about carbon footprints since an Inconvenient Vice President got an Oscar for “Best Action with a Tube Sock”. I know I am going to owe nanuk lots of Laprohaig for the carbon I inject into the atmosphere every time I fire up ol’ Smokey. I use lump charcoal, nearly pure carbon, and toss in hickory or mesquite chunks to boot. And I grill a lot. I have toyed with the idea of switching to propane, but I really love the way the grill cooks and the taste the smoke imparts. On the other hand the air in Phoenix is the worst and with everyone driving and building and burning wood it isn’t going to get any better. Americans have a penchant for locating cities in the worst places. A huge city such as Phoenix and environs in the middle of a desert and down in a bowl to boot is not the optimal placement for any city.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Tough to Come Down from the Ceiling.

Possibly one of the funniest people to grace god’s green earth has to be Ed Wynn. He was a bridge from Vaudeville to movies to TV and didn't have to go to France to be considered funny. He worked with such notables as W.C. Fields and brought laughter to millions. A precious gift that. His most memorable scene for me was his role as Uncle Albert in “Mary Poppins”. His scene was probably the best in the whole movie, considering we never get a shot of Mary undressed – damn you Walt Disney! He sings the song “I Love to Laugh” which culminates in the kids and Bert all floating along the ceiling in stitches from laughter.

I love to laugh
Loud and long and clear
I love to laugh
It's getting worse ev'ry year

The more I laugh
The more I fill with glee
And the more the glee
The more I'm a merrier me
It's embarrassing!
The more I'm a merrier me!

I had that song running through my noggin all day and thought I would share. Hopefully I will not be consigned to Disney Hell for posting Uncle Albert’s picture. Wonder who is running the place while Brit’s up here?

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