God o’ the Week
Inspired by the religious fervor that seems to be gripping some parts of the Blogsphere as well as the world in general, I thought it would be interesting to see what gods are available for worship. There are a lot, really. Some are similar and have the same “superpowers”, but there are differences. Take this week’s pick, the Tiki
. He is the god of money according to the tag, however, I do not believe ancient Polynesians had much call for hard currency so he must have had another realm at that time.
- Hasn’t written any books, so zealots can’t bother you with a litany of quotes on how you should be living
- Outgoing, nice personality, and an excellent dancer - invented surfing and reverb guitar
- Fierce expression will frighten away evil and enemies
- Idols easy to come by – thanks to globalization I didn’t have to travel all the way to Hawaii to pick out a crappy resin souvenir cast in Indonesia somewhere. I found him at a Party store in the Hawaiian theme section. Even says “Hawaii” on his base so I can claim I went.
- Low maintenance and hasn’t called for the end of days or laid claim on any souls, as far as you know.
- No collection plate passing
- Doesn’t seem to mind if you aren’t paying constant attention to him
- Hasn’t asked me to kill everyone that doesn’t believe in him, unlike certain other gods popular with today’s crowd.
- Has to be dusted regularly
There you have it, he sounds like a good bet and unless you need some justification for a murderous life, this could be the god for you. He’s a little old, but very low mileage. If interested, simply put on a grass skirt, with optional coconut bra (they have those at the party store too), shake your hips while moving your hands in a wave-like motion, and invoke the name Tiki-auaha. He should be there in two shakes of a hula dancer’s ass.