Saturday, December 31, 2005

And a Happy Snappy New Year to You!

Another year shot to hell, though it had its moments. Now it is time to make all those promises people make while thoroughly liquored up, and then promptly forget or dismiss once sobered up the next day. I have already noticed the diet books have been moved to the front of the book store and see a lot more folks jogging then usual. It is kind of like trying to find a seat in church on Easter and Christmas when there seems to be a significant rise in the number of believers – eventually their subconscious tells them it’s ok to sleep in on Sunday or go jogging tomorrow (which never seems to come).

I beat the rush to disillusionment by not making any myself any promises I know won’t work. I find the lower you aim the less far you have to fall. I know this year I will struggle with my weight, and fight depression but there is no use kidding myself that by making a solemn vow on New Years Eve that I will completely overcome life’s unpleasantness

If I did make any resolutions I would try to resolve to not worry about things that I perceive to be problems and realize there’s no sense getting worked up about stuff you can’t do anything about – like that could happen. I am a born worrier and don’t see that changing any time soon.

Anyway, it will be nice to have the family together (more or less) on New Years Eve and just enjoy each others company. Staying off the roads crowded with drunken snapper heads that can’t seem to get the message and inside away from falling bullets that certain folks in our community seem to feel obligated to fire into the air at midnight.

You all have a good one and better luck next year!!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Tragedy Strikes On Redfield Rd

Run run as fast as you can! Gingerbread Mans secret meth lab explodes. More at 11... Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Now I know why the Arabs cover their women from head to toe - they don't want to be seen in public with them. On the other hand, Paris Hilton may have a new partner for her Crapality TV shows...

Sunday, December 25, 2005


Posted by Picasa By now you probably know if Santa found out about you playing a quick round of hide the pencil with your secretary or thieving office supplies. If you had a chunk of coal waiting for you (or a bundle of switches depending on where you are from) you got caught secretly wire tapping fellow citizens or cooking meth in your bathroom. If there were some nice presents, say Santa renewed your subscription to “Gigantic Hooters” magazine, or left you any kind of power tool, except for that lame piece of shit for opening jars, you were either a lot better this year than you thought you were or Santa is giving you a Mulligan.

I’ve already received my favorite gift - just having (most) everyone here. Having my family or at least what’s left of it close by really makes me feel good. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut’s uncle, “If this isn’t nice I don’t know what is”.

Friday, December 23, 2005


I find pictures of the pope and grinch chilingly similar, though as bad as the Grinch was I don't think he was ever a Nazi (oh right, everyone had to join, I keep forgetting). Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Just a Clause In History

Santa has been around since the dawn of man when Og would sneak from cave to cave stealing food (he hadn’t quite grasped the concept yet). The first actual record of the jolly bastard comes from Lapland, where in the early days Sphincter Floss used to deliver bundles of reindeer sinew to each home for cleaning up after taking a dump. Early explorers met up with the Laps and thought Sphincter Floss was a great idea, but didn’t want a holiday named after an asshole.

The name Splinter Claus was considered for a short while, and may in fact given rise to Freddy Krueger farther on down the historical road. The church was big at the time and they had saints for everything, so the Europeans decided no one would notice one more and slipped Saint Nick past the well greased palms of the Pope and his henchmen. The trouble was that name was too much like “Old Nick” another moniker for the devil. That led to the anagram for Satan.

Grasped as a commercial Icon early on, Santa handily displaced Jesus right about the time the Three Wiseacres brought the Frankincense, Myrrh, and gold. Of course nowadays all that frankincense crap is out the window and we are talking high priced electronics and the merchants wind up with the gold. In fact they count on it. Since Good Friday was already taken they called it Black Friday (you think it would be the other way around), Good Friday is still ok in their book because they have managed to associate a rabbit who apparently has an egg distribution business with the upcoming holiday. No one is quite sure what the hell the Myrrh crap is but you will play hell trying to find any.

Of course there was already Chanukah at the time of the first Christmas, but the Jews failed to capitalize on the potential ‘til later (eight nights of gifts is pretty sweet as long as they aren’t just some piece of crap dreydal or underwear), it took good ol’ Christian ingenuity to really turn the holiday to a salesfest.

Anyway, call him Father Christmas, Pere Noel, or Red-assed Baboon, he is the center of all evil and you won’t find an inflatable image of Santa out on Pat Robertson’s Lawn, no way this side of hell.

Monday, December 19, 2005

The Attack of the Nanny 911 Beast

I watched Nanny 911 tonight and couldn’t help but see some pattern developing through out the series of shows. First, dad is a neglectful bastard and mom is a hard working and put upon (it never seems to be her fault). Second the Nannies, despite being billed as from “around the globe”, are all from Britain. They are also all farm animals. There is only one that approaches humankind and she is covered with bruises from all the ten foot poles. I am also suspect of the whole show. Nanny walks into the insane asylum masquerading as a home doing her best Mary Poppins, and a week later everything is just peachy and the Nanny is shelling out for a trip to Hawaii. No one can solve some of the problems they have on the show in a week without resorting to heavy artillery.

Another big thing I noticed is that the parents don’t know when to stop. If they have one kid that turns out to be a total freak of nature they figure the next will be better. The old lady keeps squeezing them out until her uterus is trailing about three feet behind her when she walks and they have the entire cast for the circus sideshow. Instead of the trip to Hawaii the Nanny should send both parents to a surgeon for spaying/neutering. Come to think of it, some of those parents are poster children for forced sterilization - they have some real mouth breathers. Oddly enough, one show featured a British husband and he was the biggest mouth breather of them all - not quite royal caliber mind you, but damn close. Before the Nanny arrives the parents assume it is all the children’s fault, after the Nanny we all learn dad is a neglectful bastard and it is all his fault.

Fortunately everything turns out fine, except the Nanny is still the hose- beast of the damned and provides the material for a months worth of my nightmares. I would like to see one episode where the family realizes they are just totally screwed and do the murder/suicide thing, and include the Nanny, though from the looks of her (them?) I believe even the bullets would be scared off.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Texan Accused of Spying on US

The Master of Clowndom is at it again, basically saying as President he can hide out in front of the white house and take up-skirt shots if he thinks it is best for the US (and he does).

"I will make this point. That whatever I do to protect the American people, and I have an obligation to do so, that we will uphold the law, and decisions made are made understanding we have an obligation to protect the civil liberties of the American people," he said

First he wants to know what books I am reading, although secretly he probably wishes he could just burn them and be done with it. And now it is OK to ignore Intelligence oversight. I wonder if the Democrat party headquarters was one of his targets. If Nixon had used NSA instead of the keystone cops he would never have been impeached. I was in the Intelligence field and we had to get permission to take aerial shots of military ranges – where was Bushmaster then? I think it is high time to sign that little Tex-ass dude up for a CAT scan and find out what (if anything ) is going on in that swollen noggin of his. Or at least check his wallet for a Bund card.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Mona Lisa Gets the Dutch Rub

Mona Lisa Gets the Dutch Rub

Just read an article about the Dutch, who apparently have a lot of time on their hands, scanned the Mona Lisa with some new software. The software can detect human emotions on faces, albeit not subtle ones. After working with Windows products for so long I know there is nothing subtle about software anyway. The Dutch concluded that she was smiling because she was 83% happy.

The Dutch, as usual, are wrong. She is smiling in anticipation. She has been sitting for hours while Leonardo paints and she is bored, so to liven things up a bit she lets one go. She can tell the fart has some real potential, especially after the hardboiled eggs and beer she had for lunch (even back then the water was so bad you didn’t dare drink it with out some alcohol in it).

She is smiling with the anticipation of Leonardo’s reaction when that beauty hits his olfactory sensors. Will he ignore it, will he drop his brush and start gagging - the thought makes her smile a bit…

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

You’ll Put Your Eye Out

Had my first dose of "TheChristmas Story" and saw Ralphy playing with his oiled blue steel beauty. I always have to laugh when the ol’ mom says “don’t shoot any birds or animals…” Right, that thought would never cross Ralphy’s mind - he got the gun so he could shoot at the crappy little paper target that came with the gun. Hell yes he’s going to shoot every animal and bird that comes within range.

We too had a B-B gun when we were kids, but I don’t remember anyone saying anything was off limits as far as shooting. Even “Boonie” the neighbor kid made a tempting target when he was on the swing and his ass would suddenly appear from behind the fence - pwang!!!! Birds were more of a challenge.

I can still remember the incredible shot my brother had when he dropped a Robin from all the way across the neighbors’ yard – that was miraculous considering the limited power of our Daisy Air Rifle. Sorry Red Rider, you gay caballero, we didn’t even know you existed. Daisy was like Smith and Wesson to us. The gun was pretty accurate considering it was a bottom of the line air rifle. It didn’t have any compass in the stock but we could easily pick off the piece of shit glass birds our looney neighbor lady hung in her tree. It was cool the way they exploded into a million colored pieces when you got a hit.

Aside from my brother’s shot of the century the range was somewhat limited. We only had the one pump model. I remember shooting at birds on the neighbor’s roof. You’d shoot and listen – you could hear the B-B hit the shingles and use the sound to slowly walk the line of fire up the roof until the magical moment you saw one of the birds stop, drop, and roll. Actually they would just shake themselves as the range was too great for a kill shot. I suspect they carried a little copper souvenir with them the rest of their lives from the time they dared come into range of our Daisy of Death.

Like all fun mom was there to put an end to it. She caught me plinking Starlings off our electric wires and confiscated the BB gun. Not really a big deal because we still had our bows and arrows…

Monday, December 12, 2005

Ode to The HOA

Ode to The HOA

We have a Home Owner’s Association or HOA as they are known - the "A" may really be for asshole ratyher than association. It is a near useless organization of busybodies who have determined that it is their lot in life to stick there huge noses into everyone else’s business. I guess it is kind of a power trip being able to fine people for hanging out Marine Corps flags and then citing the “C,J,&Rs”, basically a bunch of crap thrust upon the new home buyers by the builder so they don’t do anything that might ruin the builder’s scam, when they fine the person for not removing the flag. In common parlance they are Assholes. They are big dripping crusty Assholes, in fact.

As old as I am I do not believe I need a committee to tell me how to manage my property (nor the property management company that seems to come along with the HOA as yet another unwanted parasite). The City I live in has codes, and zoning, and laws, so I do not need some bunch of fascist fucks telling me I can’t park in front of my own house. Especially because there is no where for guests to park, the builder made the roads narrow and left no parking lots in order to squeeze every penny out of the land. Hell, it’s not their problem; they tack up their chicken wire and bird-shit shacks and are off to rape new land and reel in new suckers. Its all about the money.

Anyway I think it is time for residents to say enough and push to have the HOAs outlawed. It would be great if we could find the Nosey Nosertons a new hobby, aside from trying to rule the known world.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

So Long, And Thanks For The Laughs

Another 70's Icon is gone. He always made you laugh 'til it hurt... Posted by Picasa

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Chodaboy Cheney is another one that hollers for our military to remain in Iraq. Maybe if he'd have actually served a day in the Military he'd know what the hell he was talking about and be a little more reluctant to have our young folks slaughtered for a piss-pot like Iraq. There's a good reason that in most administrations the VP is neither seen nor heard, especially when they are total schmuck. Dude's a total Neofuck. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Star Struck

Star Struck

I still have a big problem connecting government with Hollywood stars. I know both parties like to have stars around them because they attract starstruck morons (AKA voters), but to actually put one in office? The only saving grace is they may have advisors that aren’t complete idiots.

Quote from news:

While Mr Schwarzenegger has said he intends to stand for re-election next year, there are known to be two lucrative Hollywood offers awaiting him: Terminator 4 and a sequel to True Lies.
There is, however, only one problem with the move to draft Gibson to stand for governor: nobody has asked him. Gibson's office refused to comment on the website yesterday, adding that he had never expressed an interest in standing for political office. Mr Spence said his organization, part of the Republican Party, was trying to get an audience with the actor. "We hope to meet with him and encourage him," he said.
Should they succeed, it raises the bizarre prospect of Californian voters being faced with a choice between Warren Beatty and Mel Gibson for governor

Of course it is California where fruits and nuts aren’t just for desert anymore. Ronald Regan got his start there, Clint Eastwood too – if memory serves me right he played the game stars love, coming out in support of something that suddenly affects them. In Mr. Eastwood’s case I do believe he was in a fight with the city over a permit for his bar – if you can’t beat ‘em join him. Not too sure what his track record as Mayor was, though his opponents probably often wondered if they were feeling lucky and he got his permit.

For some reason stars seem to believe just because they can play a part in some crappy movie they can run a city/state/country. Other then the sex and drugs the connection between Hollywood and Washington is tenuous at best. California would be much better off turning their backs on the silver screen and try to find someone with actual leadership capabilities. Or at least pick a director to run for office – Ron Howard (what voter could resist clean-cut all-American small-town boy Opie?) or Henry Winkler might be good choices.

I suspect the main reason the Republican Party and Schwarzenegger are parting company is Schwarzenegger has a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming President (the no fuzzy foreigner clause). Members of the Hitler Youth (in fact or in spirit) have a better chance at becoming pope, everyone knows that. OK, Arnie is too young to have been in the Hitler Youth, but if he had been he’d’ve been the guy holding the flag.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Happy Frikkin' Whatever

Here we are another X-mas in the offing and the battle lines have been drawn. The conservative Christians have denounced the Bushmaster for putting “Happy Holidays” on his card instead of Merry Christmas. They claim he has sold his soul to commercialism and is no better than the stores who have become afraid to wish anyone a merry X-mas. Sorry boys, but Bush was bought and paid for long before you all came along. Personally I would have looked at the card and been in awe the dumb ass knew how to sign his own name without daddy’s help.

You can believe in whatever you like as far as I am concerned. One myth is as good as the next. I will stick with Santa, he’s top o’ the heap in my book. He’s got the fat cheeriness of Buddha, all the moral character of Christ, and really seems to be in touch with people. Other people’s gods seem remote and distant, and apparently in some cases say it is fine and proper to kill anyone that doesn’t believe, especially if it is done in a cowardly fashion. Those assholes really need to be Santafied. Santa’s only downfall is he has become an Icon for the commercial side of the holiday. That’s probably because we have pictures of him. Ok, I have seen some paintings of Jesus, but I am hard pressed to believe he was a blond, blue -eyed white guy, especially if he came from the region he was supposed to have inhabited. I guess those pictures where holdovers from the Master Race days or something. You can put any face on Santa you want too, he doesn’t give a shit – the important thing is to act like Santa and be kind to all your fellow beings (includes dogs too – cats are on their own, though).

So merry Christmas to you all – if you don’t like me saying that, have a crappy Christmas, or whatever. Just remember when Santa comes again he brings toys – when Jesus comes again it is supposed to be the end of the world. Whom do you want sliding down your chimney?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Land Pirates

Welcome to Arizona, a playground for Land Pirates and their allies the Mega-builders. Their mission in life, squeeze every nickel out of the land – “take it all, give nothin’ back”. To be fair they will allow a coin or two to slip through their fingers, but in the long run the stress the fabric of the communities in place ‘til it tears. Streets not capable of bearing high volume traffic are now crowded and crumbling, Water trickles out of the tap because too many folks are trying to use it at once (that and it is the desert), city governments can’t keep up and law enforcement is stretched very thin. Spread so thin that snapper-heads can vandalize the library right in the middle of downtown El Mirage with apparent impunity.

The Land Pirates and builders find lots of support from state and local governments that do not make enough demands or think far forward enough about the impact that all this building has on the land and infrastructure. I know the development companies file impact reports, but one has to wonder how accurate they are and if the thought of expansion and more tax dollars for the cities overrides the damage done.

Water is a big problem out here, but if you go by the developer’s attitude you’d think we were living somewhere in the Midwest. Housing areas with ponds, city water parks, “waterfront” shopping centers and then the government here has the audacity to tell residents they are watering too much and we need to conserve water through this terrible drought. What a load of two-faced crap that is. Not that I am down with lawns, many of my neighbors have large lawns, and all I can think is if you want that much grass, move back to Illinois or wherever and you can water to your heart’s content. This isn’t “Maple Avenue USA” it is the desert. Desert = no water – get it? But wait, that’s not all…

There is the “Brown Cloud” of TV weather fame that hangs about the city. It is a combination of dust (construction, fallow farmland, assholes in four wheel drive monsters tearing up the desert, and pollutants. From cars. Too many cars, too many people driving themselves across town on a daily basis. There is an emissions control program, and it does control mine, but I can see many cars for which emissions are the least of the problem. Even half-assing the emissions won’t help as it isn’t the individual car putting out the monoxide that is part of the deal, but thousands of cars every day, day in and day out. Then I read a news article, an interview with our governor, someone I would have expect better from – she said we need more and faster freeways. We are approaching an election year and that is a hot button issue, but no we don’t; need freeways. We need reliable efficient mass transportation. The bus doesn’t even make it out to El Mirage. Now that would be one long bus ride if you work in Scottsdale, but that is where trains come in. I have tracks right in back of my house, what a great place for a station! I know the railroad pisses and moans about high track usage to support the builders, but this is easily remedied by charging a huge land development tax (oh my God, that would halt expansion in the Valley – that’s the idea).

Housing and land values have rocketed to all time highs squeezing investors out of the housing market, so now the they are turning folks out of affordable apartments so they can cash in on the Condo craze. Where is the sate government when you need them? Well, they don’t even have the rocks to pass an anti-gouging law so regulating or stopping the source of all their wealth and power by limiting builders ain’t ever going to happen.
I am not against progress. I just believe it can in an educated, measured fashion with an attempt to keep the impact on the area to a minimum. Face it, when the water is pretty much gone the developers and builders will be off raping greener pastures. Bad enough we the homeowners and buyers have to pay for their avarice now, wait ‘til the price of water per gallon outstrips the price of gas – no mean feat here in the valley of

Monday, December 05, 2005

Santa Christ

Christmas is a confusing time at best. The Jews and pagans had been a round a long time and created a lot of religious (or non-religious in the case of the pagans, I suppose) holidays. The Christians on the other hand, when they were just starting out had bupkiss as they would say back then. They thought they should have some, especially to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. In the absence of any birth certificates they apparently decided to Hijack Chanukah and grab the decorated tree the pagans used. The birthday fell on 25 December, a date with no real significance, just something someone back then pulled out of his ass and away we go. Christmas wasn’t the only holiday the Christians rustled, but that’s for another time.

Now add Santa Claus AKA Saint Nicholas. He has become a spirit of mythical proportions, not unlike his religious counter part Jesus. In fact in many cases he has eclipsed the whole reason we were having the holiday in the first place. No, this isn’t another one of those “the message is lost in the secular crap” lecture, although it has been lost. It is just about the crap that comes along with the holidays and how I am having trouble getting into the whole thing.

First is Santa v.s. Jesus. The main difference between Santa and Jesus is that Santa doesn’t expect you to worship him. He just asks you be good. He uses the carrot approach, you’re good and you get a toy. Jesus uses the stick approach – you’re bad and it’s off to shovel the devils coal. I’d rather be toyless than burn in hell, personally.

Then there’s hanging crap from a tree. What has that got to do with Jesus? As close as I can come to a religious experience with the tree stuff is the pain and suffering taking the devil be-damned thing apart and putting it away again, ok, it isn’t the “Stations of the Cross” or anything but it still sucks hard. I suppose if you just believed in Santa you could leave it up all year as sort of a shrine or something. I think the pagans just used trees in the woods and left the crap on the tree after they were done doing whatever it was they did. Eventually it would rot off (they mostly had organic stuff) and actually benefit the tree. We murder the tree and drag it in the house. Sometimes the tree does get its revenge by bursting into flames and taking the house with it. We have a synthetic tree. The process of making the tree probably fouled the atmosphere and gave some immigrant worker lung cancer, but beyond that it keeps us from dropping the axe on old Mr. Balsam thereby being environmentally more sound.

It is true X-mas has become all about the money. If Santa was a Republican he’d be doing the river dance over all the loot that companies were dragging in from the poor saps who now believe X-mas is about giving crap to other people, who in turn have to buy crap for them. He’d also be drilling the living shit out of the arctic right now environment be damned. Great for the capitalist greed machine, not so good for the soul.

I think if you want to follow the Jesus (or even Santa) thing you need to give, but you need to give to people that don’t all ready have. A friend of mine once said ”People need to discern the difference between what they want and what they need”. There are folks out there that don’t have food much less that Rolex you are going to give Uncle Bill. No, you want to espouse any religion I think it is time to see to others comfort – including animals (yes dear, I realize I can’t have another Husky from the rescue). If you are really into Jesus and/or Santa you would do the giving all year long each and every day because there are a lot of poor people out there that have been exploited to the point of extinction.

I do believe in Santa Claus, though I think he is more of a culture than a person. I think being good, especially to each other is important. In a large way the church no longer seems capable of providing the moral compass we all (especially young formative minds) need. Kids need to realize poor behavior = no toy, or whatever. It would be great if they believed that they would be damned to eternal flames if bad, but I suspect kids have trouble biting off on that. Mostly folks have to believe there are repercussions for their actions. Pat on the back for the good, boot to the head for the bad if that is what it takes. Anyway, happy Santa Day and be good for goodness’ sake…

Sunday, December 04, 2005

The Big Lie

I read a clip from a news article and found a frightening parallel to the philosophy Hitler espoused, probably devised by Gobbles, his political analyst. The clip reads as follows:

Although White House officials said many federal departments had contributed to the document, its relentless focus on the theme of victory strongly reflected a new voice in the administration: Peter D. Feaver, a Duke University political scientist who joined the N.S.C. staff as a special adviser in June and has closely studied public opinion on the war.
Despite the president's oft-stated aversion to polls, Dr. Feaver was recruited after he and Duke colleagues presented the administration with an analysis of polls about the Iraq war in 2003 and 2004. They concluded that Americans would support a war with mounting casualties on one condition: that they believed it would ultimately succeed.

Hitler’s Philosophy was tell a large enough lie often enough and people will readily accept it as the truth. It worked for him, so Bush’s latest neoconazi advisor is probably a good choice as the ad manager for the “Vietnam of the Mideast”.

Victory is a difficult term to get your hands around anyway. In the Civil War there were many battles that would have been considered a loss in terms of a body count, but one side or the other would declare victory. Iraq is rapidly becoming a similar proposition. The Mullahs in Saudi and other “friendly Arab countries” are breeding exploding zealots almost faster than the Army can recruit. Who wants to join the Army at this point – “we’ll send you to college, but you’ll be attending classes in a box.” It isn’t the fault of the troops doing the fighting; it is the misguided leadership that put them in harm’s way to begin with.

They have been set up by an Administration run by the Duke of Lies (whether through ignorance or direct manipulation of the facts concerning Iraq, we’ll never hear the truth). The sad thing is they aren’t fighting for us; they are fighting and dying for Iraqis - the Shit-ites to be precise.

The funny thing is none of them want us there anyway. The only ones making out are the contractors that are feasting on the spoils of war, particularly Cheney’s old company (odd that they nailed an exclusive contract to rebuild Iraq, and following in their former CEO’s footsteps began to lie and cheat). The Oil Barons that have fomented this war aren’t going to get those juicy oil contracts that this was all about in the first place, because the Iraqi bitches are going to go back to being the same pack of assholes they were before we stuck our nose in their fucked up business. The war there isn’t about democracy to the Iraqi’s, they could give a damn about that, it is about who comes out on top. The Sunnis are pissed because they lost their plum position in the country and the Shit-ites are looking for payback. You are dealing with people that have been conditioned to carry a grudge for thousands of years.

In the end it doesn’t matter, Bush will have his way and the fat cat republican legislature will be on their knees blowing him until the cows come home (and you thought ex-pres Clinton was a total fucking whore – hey, he and Whorelliry wanted to be like the Kennedy’s, and by God except for Johnny’s permanent headache they did it). Our government is all about the money and the ideal of being "for the people, by the people" has been changed to "for the big business and the wealthy, by big business and the wealthy. Sure, you can still vote, but you'll only be able to vote for their choice.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Generation P Breeds

Kids now days – not little kids, but the kids of Generation P. Gen P is squeezing out pups left and right, as if they don’t understand how its happening. That’s what you get for counting on the school system to explain sex to your kids, I suppose. More likely it is a matter of the “repercussionless” society we have become.

Anyway, now we have all the Gen P offspring, only Gen P figures they should party on and junior is just cramping their style. Along with this they find themselves throwing perfectly good money away on a kid rather then getting that new tattoo on their significant other’s ass, or buying a couple cartons of smokes. They are used to getting everything they want and can’t deal with suddenly not being able to have something. And the kid is the crux of the problem – what to do?

The answer is dump the problem on someone else, like the mom and dad, or better yet the school system. If you play your cards right, you can have your child labeled as special needs and it is all free (there’s that new nose ring you have had your eye on!). Teachers are no longer expected to teach or to prepare junior for his future academic efforts, oh no, now the teacher has to raise junior. The “No Child Left Behind” law has even codified it. Get your kid labeled special needs and the state has to take care of him by law. No matter there is no state money or the teachers get a new child every other day, the parents are rid of that anchor around their neck.

Now to be fair there are plenty of kids that honestly need help, but the system to judge that isn’t very good and prone to mistakes. Some parents come in to have little Timmy tested and have obviously been coached as to what to say and how to fill out the survey (yes, the parent’s opinion is a big part of the decision making process). “Little Timmy isn’t socially developed and doesn’t get along well with other kids”. Little Timmy is three and that is the way three year olds are. He also will “never listen (never mind he isn’t to the point where he understands everything he hears), “won’t put his toys away” (I am over 50 and still don’t put my shit away). The therapists are either naive or trying to drum up business when they are play along with the parents and declare what are actually behavioral problems as being ADHD or Autism, or on and on. And yes, a lot of the kids just need to hear “no” once in awhile, or have a come-to-Jesus with the back of dad’s hand. Once again there are some children that are damaged goods. Whether through abuse, mom partying while pregnant, genetics, or just bad luck at birth they need a hand.

The thought behind making serving these kids a law has good intent but poor application and the teacher is the one who bears the brunt. More about how teachers are treated by the administration and school boards in a separate rant.

In the end teachers are overworked and the lack of the parents care and involvement result in Timmy appearing shirtless on a future episode of cops.