You’ll Put Your Eye Out

Had my first dose of "TheChristmas Story" and saw Ralphy playing with his oiled blue steel beauty. I always have to laugh when the ol’ mom says “don’t shoot any birds or animals…” Right, that thought would never cross Ralphy’s mind - he got the gun so he could shoot at the crappy little paper target that came with the gun. Hell yes he’s going to shoot every animal and bird that comes within range.

We too had a B-B gun when we were kids, but I don’t remember anyone saying anything was off limits as far as shooting. Even “Boonie” the neighbor kid made a tempting target when he was on the swing and his ass would suddenly appear from behind the fence - pwang!!!! Birds were more of a challenge.

I can still remember the incredible shot my brother had when he dropped a Robin from all the way across the neighbors’ yard – that was miraculous considering the limited power of our Daisy Air Rifle. Sorry Red Rider, you gay caballero, we didn’t even know you existed. Daisy was like Smith and Wesson to us. The gun was pretty accurate considering it was a bottom of the line air rifle. It didn’t have any compass in the stock but we could easily pick off the piece of shit glass birds our looney neighbor lady hung in her tree. It was cool the way they exploded into a million colored pieces when you got a hit.

Aside from my brother’s shot of the century the range was somewhat limited. We only had the one pump model. I remember shooting at birds on the neighbor’s roof. You’d shoot and listen – you could hear the B-B hit the shingles and use the sound to slowly walk the line of fire up the roof until the magical moment you saw one of the birds stop, drop, and roll. Actually they would just shake themselves as the range was too great for a kill shot. I suspect they carried a little copper souvenir with them the rest of their lives from the time they dared come into range of our Daisy of Death.

Like all fun mom was there to put an end to it. She caught me plinking Starlings off our electric wires and confiscated the BB gun. Not really a big deal because we still had our bows and arrows…