View From The Back Pew

There are quite a few different religions that bear an uncanny resemblance to the others raising some suspicions as to the originality of any particular religion. Buddhism and Christianity come to mind almost immediately. It would appear Christ was sitting next to Buddha during the big test and was taking more than a casual glance at Buddha’s paper. Not to say Christ would have cheated on his SATs or anything, I am just saying it seems as though there are too many parallels just to be coincidence. Judaism and the Moslems, same idea; different brother.

There are even parallels between the Scientologists and Mormons. The Mormons believe folks were transported to the New Word via boat (the lost tribes really took a wrong turn at Albuquerque) the Scientologists figure it was a spaceship ala Hitchhikers guide. Whether it is "Jesus Comes to America" or "Close Encounters of the Mental Kind", every religion has its poster child. Tom Cruise for instance – he really typifies a whack-job that bases his beliefs on a Science Fiction Writer’s best shot at religion. L. Ron Hubbard must be wherever good (and dead) Scientologists go laughing his ass off at all the morons that took him seriously. Kabala is another sect I have trouble with, mainly because it seems it holds a fascination for new age past-their-prime hookers/rock singers. Joseph Smith must’ve been pissed at being plain old Joe Smith and having his friends complain about trying to find him in the phonebook and so came up with the famed golden plates. Not to be outdone Warren “Steed” Jeffs has made a real name for himself. The “Steed” probably refers to his prowess at banging 14 year old girls and hooking his old married buddies up with some young stuff. He remains at large. The conservative Christians have Ol’ Pat Robertson. With some of the crap that comes out of his mouth it is a wonder they let him wander around loose let alone clog the airwaves with his insane ramblings.

The Moslems have an entire gallery of America’s most wanted. Of course the belief as a body doesn’t hold with terrorism, although the terrorists seem to be doing it for someone and where are they getting all the money for those exploding cars? Not going to say anything about the Jews as I feel they have been unfairly picked on throughout history. Not sure why power hungry figures seem to hate the Jewish people so much (Pharaoh and Hitler for example) or why some societies have hung them with the blame for everything that goes wrong. Enough already.

Most disconcerting is that the Pharisees seem to have crept back into the temple while we weren’t watching. Whether it is the stereotypical well greased TV Evangelist parting folks from their cash, or a priest getting a little to frisky with his alter boys, there is a real mixed message coming across. Every religion seems to have some snapper-heads that make it near impossible to believe in whatever theology they are touting. Back to our friends the Moslems, for instance – apparently there is a sect that figures the key to heaven is blowing yourself up along with innocent bystanders. Now I don’t know dick about the bible except what was forced down my throat as a kid, but I seem to recall a little codicil about not killing each other for any reason. No exceptions, no exclusions, no fine print, no killing period dot. It also seems that all religions (save those based upon little green men) have some sort of rules including the no killing clause. It would seem then that the folks doing the killing, whether some Waco Whacko or virgin bound foreign Jihadist is probably not going to get virgins or be transported to paradise via a shiny UFO. But there are those that are well respected preachers in their chosen religion that swear that to kill the unbelievers (or the president of Venezuela) is the holiest thing you can do and you are not hell bound, oh no, you are a martyr.

Wonder why attendance at church is a bit off now-a-days?