Friday, August 11, 2006

If You Need to Believe in Someone, Why not Believe in Me?


God o’ the Week

Inspired by the religious fervor that seems to be gripping some parts of the Blogsphere as well as the world in general, I thought it would be interesting to see what gods are available for worship. There are a lot, really. Some are similar and have the same “superpowers”, but there are differences. Take this week’s pick, the Tiki. He is the god of money according to the tag, however, I do not believe ancient Polynesians had much call for hard currency so he must have had another realm at that time.

Advantages:

- Hasn’t written any books, so zealots can’t bother you with a litany of quotes on how you should be living
- Outgoing, nice personality, and an excellent dancer - invented surfing and reverb guitar
- Fierce expression will frighten away evil and enemies
- Idols easy to come by – thanks to globalization I didn’t have to travel all the way to Hawaii to pick out a crappy resin souvenir cast in Indonesia somewhere. I found him at a Party store in the Hawaiian theme section. Even says “Hawaii” on his base so I can claim I went.
- Low maintenance and hasn’t called for the end of days or laid claim on any souls, as far as you know.
- No collection plate passing
- Doesn’t seem to mind if you aren’t paying constant attention to him
- Hasn’t asked me to kill everyone that doesn’t believe in him, unlike certain other gods popular with today’s crowd.

Disadvantages:
- Has to be dusted regularly

There you have it, he sounds like a good bet and unless you need some justification for a murderous life, this could be the god for you. He’s a little old, but very low mileage. If interested, simply put on a grass skirt, with optional coconut bra (they have those at the party store too), shake your hips while moving your hands in a wave-like motion, and invoke the name Tiki-auaha. He should be there in two shakes of a hula dancer’s ass.

17 Comments:

At 9:46 PM, Blogger Sugarfoot said...

he might grant you special favors if you dusted him vigorously several times a day with a feather duster.

When I am a god, that's what I'd ask for...

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

SF: The least anyone could do, keep their deity clean, dry, and serviceable

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Chickie said...

I'd just stick him in the dishwasher.

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger LifePath11 said...

Phos....I Believe in YOU! ;-)

SF...I think you are on to something. You will have untold blessings bestowed upon you with a bit of vigorous feather dusting. Works for Gods or Goddesses I think!

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Chickie: That would be ok, he isn’t french so he has no aversion to soap and water.

LP11: That would be a first for me. Thanks though.

 
At 7:01 PM, Blogger jin said...

OO! OOO!
I can do that!!!
Grass skirt, coconut bra, shake hips! YEAH!
Ok, you got 1 more convert, he seems like a cool god.
YAY!
:-D

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger Seven Star Hand said...

Hello Kid,

Hope this is not too off topic for you.

At the core of the deceptions used to manipulate humanity is the concept of religion. Without it, Bush, the Neo-Cons, and their cohorts could never have gained and retained political power by manipulating an already deluded and susceptible constituency. Likewise, their thinly veiled partners in crime, Bin Laden and his ilk, could never have succeeded in their roles in this centuries-old Vatican-led grand deception.

We are all stuck in a web of interlocking deception formed by money, religion, and politics. The great evils that bedevil us all will never cease until humanity finally awakens, shakes off these strong delusions, and forges a new path to the future

Understanding the Fatal Flaws in Judeo-Christian-Islamic Prophecy

As certain world leaders strive to instigate a fabricated "battle of Armageddon," it is vital to understand and spread the truth about these ancient texts to help bring about an end to such abominable evil.

You can never expect philosophies based on lies and great error to lead to peace and harmony. How many more millennia of terrible proof is necessary before humanity finally gets a clue that most have been utterly deceived by the very concept of religion.

Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

Read the article here...

Peace...

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Jin: That'd be something to see; too bad we can’t post video.

SSH: Interesting article. I had seen a show that John, the one who wrote the Revelations wasn’t talking about the end of the world, but the downfall of Nero - apparently John had a real hard on for the emperor for some reason.

I think if the world ends it is something man has brought upon himself, whether he finally screws the climate, depletes all the resources, or some nutter finally gets hi hands on “The Bomb” (actually already too late whit Bush, North Korea, Pakistan, India, and Israel all possessing the weapon) - it is only a matter of time. We don’t need any supreme being to bring about our demise; we are doing well enough on our own. Thanks for sharing your insight!!


ANyrate,

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger jin said...

I'm waiting for you to post first.
:-P
lol

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Jin: Fair enough!

 
At 10:16 PM, Blogger jin said...

Damn!
You called my bluff.
I suppose I have to come up with something now.....

 
At 6:25 AM, Blogger Eternally Curious said...

Eldest son has, off and on, chosen to believe in a little know ancient Norse god: Arioche. Advantage with being little know is: you can make him up as you go!

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Jin: Get some sleep, even your avatar has bags under the eyes.

EC: I had a paleontology professor that took a similar tack – if he discovered a new species in the fossil record, he could say anything he wanted to about it and no one could dispute him.

Word on Norse gods, they tend to be a bit on the cruel side so you’ll want to keep an eye on the lad so he isn’t leaving his little brother out on the ice to see if he’s strong enough to be in the family.

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger Eternally Curious said...

LOL Phos! Have you been spying on us????

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Eternally Curious said...

Shoot - hit enter before I finished! Big brother likes to make others think he's all tough and what not (and his big, burly, gruff looks help with this) - but he's really just a big teddy bear!

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

EC: I have a brother and we fought when we were young, but now I miss him like crazy. He is back North in the Great Frozen Nation and I moved out to the threshold of hell.

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,

 

Post a Comment

<< Home