If You Need to Believe in Someone, Why not Believe in Me?

God o’ the Week

Inspired by the religious fervor that seems to be gripping some parts of the Blogsphere as well as the world in general, I thought it would be interesting to see what gods are available for worship. There are a lot, really. Some are similar and have the same “superpowers”, but there are differences. Take this week’s pick, the Tiki. He is the god of money according to the tag, however, I do not believe ancient Polynesians had much call for hard currency so he must have had another realm at that time.

Advantages:

- Hasn’t written any books, so zealots can’t bother you with a litany of quotes on how you should be living
- Outgoing, nice personality, and an excellent dancer - invented surfing and reverb guitar
- Fierce expression will frighten away evil and enemies
- Idols easy to come by – thanks to globalization I didn’t have to travel all the way to Hawaii to pick out a crappy resin souvenir cast in Indonesia somewhere. I found him at a Party store in the Hawaiian theme section. Even says “Hawaii” on his base so I can claim I went.
- Low maintenance and hasn’t called for the end of days or laid claim on any souls, as far as you know.
- No collection plate passing
- Doesn’t seem to mind if you aren’t paying constant attention to him
- Hasn’t asked me to kill everyone that doesn’t believe in him, unlike certain other gods popular with today’s crowd.

Disadvantages:
- Has to be dusted regularly

There you have it, he sounds like a good bet and unless you need some justification for a murderous life, this could be the god for you. He’s a little old, but very low mileage. If interested, simply put on a grass skirt, with optional coconut bra (they have those at the party store too), shake your hips while moving your hands in a wave-like motion, and invoke the name Tiki-auaha. He should be there in two shakes of a hula dancer’s ass.