Monday, October 22, 2007

Harry Potter and the Startling Strap-on


The big revelation today is that Albus Dumbledore, head master at Hogwash School of witchcraft and wizardry was gay. That doesn’t come as a big surprise but Rowling did tone down the series a bit. The first book was supposed to be “Harry Potter Gets the Sorcerer’s Bone” to be followed by “Harry Potter and the Phantom Teabag”, where our hero Harry wakes up every morning with a mysterious salty taste in his mouth. As we know, both were retitled to make the gayness a bit more subtle.

Albus wasn’t the only gay in the book. While Ginny Weasely and Hermione were know to share a bed in the dark of the night, it was just harmless experimentation, and in fact both were to have been approached to do “Hogwarts’ Girls Gone Wild” with host Danny Bonadouchebag in “The Goblet of Fire”, but that part got edited out. In fact Neville Longbottom was queer as a three dollar bill (like we didn’t see that coming), and Sirius Black was also gay, because as everyone knows, a few years in Azkaban is bound to change your sexual preference. We were led to think McGonagall was a lesbian, but aside from being caught in a lewd act with the Sorting Hat she was about the most sexless old cow you’d ever care to meet.

We were first introduced to Albus’s gayness when in “The Sorcerer’s Stone”, as it came to be called, he asks the ministry of magic’s head queer Cornelius “Packed” Fudge to make Hogwarts a Boys only academy – and the younger the better, as Albus put it. He was always trying to start up a course called “The mystery of the Disappearing sausage", but he was once again thwarted by the editor’s scissors. Even the Wand of Power, wasn’t really the wand that Voldemort wound up with, it was Dumbledore’s pet name for his dick.

Now the tale of Harry Potter is ended and there is no more, leaving with us with the thought that sometimes a wand is just a wand and sometimes it is a …well you get the idea. One final note, if ever visiting Hogwarts and you happen to drop your wallet, just kick it along in front of you – don’t try to pick it up!

Labels: ,

17 Comments:

At 11:24 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

me not a HP fan o no!

Keshi.

 
At 2:52 AM, Blogger KB said...

Ah hahahahaha!!!! You're crazy Phos, but I like it!! I don't like HP at ALL, but your version sounds much better!!

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger Little Lamb said...

I'm with Keshi.

 
At 7:21 AM, Blogger Dino aka Katy said...

i wonder if she decided she needed another target audience

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger /t. said...

HA HA AH HAHAH HAHA HAH HA HA HA AHAH AH AHAH AH HA AHAH HA AH hA HAH AHA HA HAHHA AH HAHA AHA HHA HAHAH AH HAHAH HAHAHA AH AHA HAH AH AHA AHHAH AHAHAHA HAH AHAH AH AHA AHH AHAHAH AHAHA HA HA HAHAH AHHA HAHA AHA AH AH AHA H AHA AHA HAHA HHA HAHAH AHAHA AHA HAH AHHA AHHA AHHA AHA HAHAHAH AHAHA AHAHAH AHA HHAH AHAH AHA HAHAH AH HA HA!

/t.

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger Hammer said...

That was so politically incorrect.

I loved it.

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Rowling's next announcement will be that the Weasley family were actually Black.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Ruela said...

JESUS! :o

I COME LATER

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger wallycrawler said...

That f'n chick has gotta make press ta sell that swill she calls literature! The facts are that the last book didn't have the legs the last five had. Plus her appearances are about a 10th. of what they were before.

Harry Potter is a pure bore read!

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Ruela: Hey-suess??

Wally: You have to admit she does have a great pair of cans on her though..

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger leelee said...

that was great phos..I like the tag...gay wizadry...such a clever boy you are..

:-)

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

leelee: Thanks! Mom always told me I was special!!

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Ruela said...

suess?
What it is suess?
I do not know this word :)
it's like scary?

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Jesus as in jesus, you know! In these parts sometimes the J makes the h sound so Jesus becomes Hay-soos.

 
At 4:44 AM, Blogger Ruela said...

ah!
thanks Phos.
Your text is very creative ;)

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger evalinn said...

:-D

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,

 

Post a Comment

<< Home