Religion and Snack Foods

I opened a bag of Rold Gold pretzels and there he was – the jesus pretzel, the pretzel who sacrificed himself to free all snack food. I had never seen his like and as tempted as I was to put him on E-bay (in the “there’s one born every minute” section) I felt it would smirch the dignity of the moment. I wasn’t going to eat the jesus pretzel, primarily because despite being a deity in its own right, there was an unwholesome air about the thing, sort of an unfinished snack abortion kind of vibe. This hardly dulls its majesty, however. I am thinking about charging admission to see the thing, after all I come from an area where people are stupid enough to line up to witness a patch of bark that bore an eerie resemblance to mama Mary – couldn’t see it myself, but then I was never good at those 3d hidden picture things and I probably wasn’t as reefered up as the adherents to the miracle.

Like all misbegotten, misshapen snacks I am afraid there was no choice but to lay the jesus pretzel to rest in the garbage. I am sure it will rise again and perhaps when you open a bag of Rold Golds it will be sitting there in all its glory. Or maybe they fixed the problem that was generating mutant pretzels on their snack food production line.