Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's

Happy Valentine's!!

This is basically a florist’s holiday where they have convinced the male of species that buying the female gifts (expensive and lots of them) will get his chili peeled. Not happenin’ dude. The woman will always take the money and run – want to buy that kind of action, you’ll have to find a hooker and pray Timmy Rottendick wasn’t there first.

On the other hand, if you forget the significant other(s), life will suddenly turn cold and dark. What do you expect, you are dealing with a female – you ain’t gonna win. I did manage a draw once by buying lingerie, the gift that keeps on giving unless your mate is a complete farm animal. And if she is a 4H project please for the love of whoever (whatever) you worship do not post her picture on the Web. I have some pretty grim images permanently scorched into my retinas – I am almost afraid to blink anymore. If you are into borderline beastiality and want to see some real livestock check out the Blue Tiger next time you are in LaCrosse, WI, but please, no photography.

Anyway, happy Valentine’s. Enjoy your time with your “friend” and if it happens, it happens. If you are an avid NASCAR fan. please use protection – we don’t need any more of you. There’s a male talking, equating sex with love and I am sure I’ll hear about that.