The Shopping Warp...

Women have the ability to warp the time space continuum and I have proof. You may have seen this phenomenon as well if ever have had the misfortune to go shopping with the wife. One minute she is there yakking away as usual and the next she is gone. Oh, sure look in the next aisle, but she won’t be there. Orbit the store for an hour looking, go ahead – you’ll never find her. That is because she has entered a shopping wormhole that is only accessible to women. Perhaps it is the shopping genes that make up 95% of their DNA, or maybe a conspiracy on the part of store owners to separate the wife and husband to make them easier prey. Whatever the reason it never fails to astound me how my wife has completely disappeared.

The only thing that can be done is to seek out a man chair (usually by the fitting rooms), hope it is unoccupied, and wait for the missing spouse to pop back onto our plain of existence if even for just a short time before being whisked away again to the shopping dimension. You can see other men with the same problem; they can be seen talking to themselves as they wander through the store. They aren’t crazy, just a second ago they were talking with their wives, who suddenly were swept away in the cosmic current leaving the men in a one sided conversation. The only remedy for this is to avoid the shops at all costs, or at least make sure you have the keys to the car…