The thing with string

I believe the decline of society in general can be directly attributed tot he lack of string. Go ahead, try to find string in the local megamart. Used to be a whole shelf of nothing but string, now you might find some twine, but it isn't the same thing. I believe as the need for string decreased our economy and morals fell with it. Now instead of a ball of string at the check out there is only flash memory and ear-buds for the Ipod, allowing individuals to drop out and tune out. Not a good thing for communications and interpersonal relationships. Never had the problem whit string. Used to tie a piece of string around the finger to remember things, now there's an app for that -- the string worked better because now the individual has to remember to check the phone -- the string was always there.

Packages were done up with string, the Christmas goose was trussed up with the stuff, the check out lady at the grocery always asked "need any string today?" Now she asks if you need stamps or ice. What stamps and ice have to do with each other is beyond me, but neither of them is as practical as string. Sue, the high end shops sell "butcher's string" but want a couple dollars for what is essentially a 25 cent ball of string. Apparently string is only for the rich and famous now, but I doubt they appreciate that fact as they are all too busy eating oily fish ooze on toast points.

So here I sit string-less, a chicken to be trussed, and realization that short skirts, bare midriffs, and the thong can be directly attributed to a lack of string and believe me no one wants to see a 250 pound 50 year old woman with a bare midriff and a thong. There is something wholesome about string, no bling, no bells and whistles, it is just string. Try tying a package shut, pulling a loose tooth, or spinning a top with an Iphone! Can't be done, take my word for it. If we want to defeat terrorism, win the war on drugs and bring back moral turpitude it is a simple matter of bring back string. I long tp hear the check out girl ask if I need any string today...