Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Maynard particle and associated Maynard Force

I know, you are skeptical when it comes to my knowledge of the cosmos and the different types of forces and particles that make up its rules and substance, but I assure you, I read National Geographic magazine, therefore I am well qualified to expound upon this new theoretical particle and the force to which it contributes.

Why Maynard one might ask? Maynard is a name generally applied to unknown or weird things as in the sentence “we caught two smelt and one Maynard lookin’ fish.” So these are weird particles that can be found throughout an object and all its parts. They are all related and contain the essence of that object. Therefore, if one part is separated from the whole, an attraction remains between the two -- this is the Maynard Force.

So what, you might ask, how does this affect me, how does this impact my life. Well Mr. Selfish this is how – you find a part, a Maynard looking part and say to yourself’ “looks important, wonder what it goes to?” Besides ending a sentence in a preposition, you have another problem on your hands -- what to do with the part. The answer lies in the fact the part is still connected to its original host, there is an attraction there that cannot be broken. What to do? Throw the part out. The day after garbage collection, the attraction between the part in the garbage becomes so strong that the device it belonged to will suddenly show up. Then you will say,” so that’s what that part was for.” And of course whatever it is won’t work without the part you tossed so you’ll be forced to order a new part, but they don’t make it anymore and some E-Bay gouger wants $50.00 for the damn thing.

Hope you’ve learned a valuable lesson here and now know how to figure out what goes where and why. As a bonus I tossed in a lesson on E-Bay and how sellers will skin you alive if given the smallest chance. They know how important that part is and what it is so there’s no way you can beat them. May the Maynard Force be with you…


At 2:12 AM, Blogger Jack K. said...

Oh, it is. I just didn't know what to all it. Now I can rename my junk drawer, my Maynard drawer.

Thanks for the education. :-)


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