Monday, February 26, 2007

Leave Well Enough Alone


Why do companies feel it is necessary to continually tamper with their products packaging? I grabbed the wrong bag of dog food once because Purina nutzed with one of their brands making the bag look like the brand I usually buy. Not that there is a lot of difference since there doesn’t seem to be anything an animal puts in its mouth these days that Purina doesn’t own. Hell they even make Monkey Chow. The packaging confusion is worst for feminine products. The Pad Manufactures of America (feminine, not brake) change the wrapper design every couple of days, it seems. Phos goes to the store with “pads in the purple package” on his list. There is no purple package. I see yellow packages, red packages (Seems appropriate), pads with wings, pads with jet engines, and now I am in uncharted waters. My cell phone has no coverage in the market or most anywhere else come to think of it so now I have to guess. I learned long ago you never buy a dress or a purse for the wife without her input, this is even more crucial. I invariable guess wrong. Crap.

While I was up in the sanitary/quasi-sexual neck of the woods I noticed the prophylactics are back behind the counter. Hope parents aren’t wondering why teens are having unprotected sex. Think I have it bad wandering around the market with a huge bright pink package of feminine pads (undoubtedly the wrong ones, so I’ll be back), what about poor little Jonny Firsttime who wants to demonstrate his undying lust for little Mary Jane Rottencrotch and has to ask the druggist for a package of wiener-wraps? Ain’t gonna happen. Even when I was in college I was embarrassed to ask because you are admitting that you are fixin’ to compromise some young damsel’s virtue and the granny behind the counter isn’t going to take too kindly to that.

Blogger

I wound up putting the word verification back on as I noticed a lot of “opportunities” for enhanced sexual performance, stock tips, and mortgage deals were creeping into the comments section of old posts. The spammers are trying to back door me, so to speak. Another interesting note, over the weekend I had a screen that told me I should update my shell so I could customize my blog. It promised that elements of my Blog would be saved. What it did not warning me about is that my list of links to fellow bloggers wasn’t one of those elements. Fortunately I was able to revert to the old list and saved the links. I have also added a couple links that I should have included before.

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15 Comments:

At 11:30 AM, Blogger /t. said...

LOL

funny post!

man, i hate trying to shop for others... oh hell, i hate shopping

except at the salvation army thrift store -- i love that -- where things are are priced at their actual value!

don't recall ever having seen rubbers for sale there -- probably just as well...

/t.

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Hammer said...

Scary stuff. I wish I had a cheat sheet :)

 
At 6:34 PM, Blogger Fuff said...

LOL! I think it's very noble of you to buy them, let alone go back and exchange them!
Last week I deleted over 50 spam comments and very nearly succombed to the dreaded WV :)

 
At 6:50 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

I know most guys hate shopping LOL!

Keshi.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Dino aka Katy said...

i think its sweet you wonder down those aisles I know not every guy does that

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger Damsel Underdressed said...

You are right about them constantly changing the packaging on feminine products. Even I have to stop and read the package to be sure I have the right one. If you always do the shopping you may have to take the time to "learn" the product. Keywords...brand, size, scented or unscented, with or without wings. Learn those four details and you're all set!

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Plum's Penny Dreadful said...

It is so very sweet that you take care of that for her, and are genuinly trying to get the right one!! Half the time I by the wrong one myself, and I have been at this for a long while!

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

/t.Thanks, I can look back and laugh now. Good call on the Salvation Army rubbers. Some things are best bought new.

hammer: A cheat sheet would violate the prime law of nature: “Men Shall Never Understand Women”

fuff: I don’t mind so much, even quit trying to hide them behind the paper towels. The SPAM seems worse then ever for some reason. We need to find out who is actually buying the stuff and encouraging them and burn them at the stake.

Keshi: I don’t mind shopping at all. Any time with Ms. Phos is well spent. The only time shopping is tedious is if Mrs. Phos is looking for a new pair of sunglasses, then Katy bar the door!! We’ll spend hours at it and she invariably winds up with a pair exactly like the ones she had before.

DAK:IT isn’t so bad, confusing, but not bad. There are some tubes of stuff hanging on the rack I don’t want to know about, but other then that everything seems benign.

DU: I don’t understand why you would want them to smell like anything to be honest. I get the scented candles but personal hygiene products shouldn’t have a scent - isn’t that why we shower in the first place? If I wanted to smell like something, I wouldn’t bathe.

ppd: Not much I wouldn’t do for Mrs. Phos. We been together too long to start being embarrassed now. Well, ok, I still manage to embarrass Mrs. Phos from time to time as I like to keep things interesting. She unusually just tells everyone it is Tourette’s.

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger Gnat said...

Ok I have had a couple of runs on both of these topics.

The Tampon!

I now know why my wife sends me to get these things. First off it labels you "taken, please step away from the penis" all over you. It works just like the "here hold this" as she hands you her purse in the mall. Also, it is a little signal to you that your out of luck for the next week if you are not clocking her cycle. Which any self respecting man does just about as well as he knows how to change a tire or get the top off a beer without an opener.

The Jimmy Coat!

Now, my little brother had a problem with this around age 15 and asked me to get him some. At which point I asked "Why should I get you those what is the problem" and he stated what you did. I took him to the 7-11 and showed him how to do it. Walk up to the door, kick it open with your foot like the Terminator and announce "I AM HERE TO CHEW BUBBLE GUM and GET SOME CONDOMS!". Then look the clerk right in the eye and say "I Would really enjoy the 12 pack if you got'm!". After seeing this my brother laughed so hard and realized that it was a honor to be getting condoms, and you should be damn proud of yourself not slinking away like you are doing something wrong. I also told him you could flex on the mat right inside the door like Hulk Hogan if the mood strike you.

Gnat.
.

 
At 6:18 PM, Blogger Damsel Underdressed said...

Umm...how should I put this? It's like how the bathroom smells right after vs. how the bathroom smells right after and someone remembered to spray the air freshener. It's just a little nicer.

 
At 3:11 PM, Blogger Jewels said...

Frig! I know what you mean! Always is NOTORIOUS for changing the look of their packaging... Hubby's good now, he knows which key words to check for ;)

Oh, and thanks a whole fucken' bunch for that "Jane Rottencrotch" bit. Fuck, I got coffee up my nose. UP MY NOSE, MAN!!!!!

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

DU:I keep my bathroom clean,usually...

Jewels:You are welcome. She eventually married Private Tentpeg and they live in Bliss - Fort Bliss, that is.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

I thought his name was little Johnny Horndog.

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Chickie said...

If I could talk my husband into buying feminine hygine products I'd probably be okay with whatever he brought home!

 
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