Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Tie that Binds

To Wear or not to Wear

One of the guys I work with just checked in to the Hotel Whupass – he lost his wedding band. I clucked my tongue in commiseration but secretly I was chuckling at the scene I could imagine unfolding as he told his wife the big news.  He’s going to be coming to work tomorrow missing a large chunk of his ass.

I do not wear a ring. I have worked around electrical devices since I can remember when.  As I have said in the past Mr. Electricity is not your friend, but he loves gold.  Wearing a ring while working on electronics is just like putting a TV antenna up during a severe thunderstorm.  You might get away with it, but probably not. Ergo I have foresworn wearing a ring; in fact any jewelry at all, no watch, bracelets, and have resisted the urge to wear  mommy’s earrings as is the fad with men today.

The ring symbolizes a bond, one I carry in my heart so I don’t bother with other women any longer. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I can’t help but eye up some nubile young Hooker in Training (HIT) at the mall, you’ve seen them strutting about with all god gave them hanging out from various tucks, rips, or dips in what passes for their clothing.  Wonder how mom could let them run around like that – it isn’t cute and could prove deadly if the wrong sort takes notice.  I just collect the punch in the arm from Mrs. Phos who always notices me staring and move on with my life.

The other reason a ring is superfluous is that women are just throwing themselves at me – who couldn’t resist a fat bald old dude like me? Nature has gifted me with built in chick repellent. If nothing else the scars on my ears, from Mrs. Phos chewing on them all the time, should warn off any woman that can get past the fat bald old part. I think I am safe from any female predation.

I do have a ring, somewhere. I think it turned up once but no longer fits.  I could wear it on a chain around my neck, but then I don’t wear jewelry.

11 Comments:

At 5:16 PM, Blogger jin said...

Ummm...if you were ever considering moving to New York there's lots of those "HITs" over there.
Like this one.

Heeheeheeeee.....
Don't have nightmares now!
;-)

 
At 6:26 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

dun lose the ring in ur heart Phos. Thats all that matters :)

Keshi.

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Jin: Mom!

Keshi: Where would I ever find another woman patient enough to put up with the likes of me? I don't even like being apart from her during the day, truth be told.

 
At 9:14 PM, Anonymous Hammer said...

I tried to do the not wearing ring thing.

Working in industy and around heavy equipment I've almost had fingers ripped off.

No go. the wife would rather me come home in pieces rather than ringless.

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger fairscape said...

Feeling more like I've been through the chipper. Spent last night in the ER.

Hubby just told me he lost his ring and I haven't been able to find mine for a couple of weeks. This happens fairly regularly around here. We wear the rings so infrequently because our hands are in water all the time that we don't notice if they slip off when we do wear them.

My Dad worked in a factory. He couldn't wear a ring and my Mom was fine with it. She had one rule when it came to other women, look but don't touch.

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Hammer: My wife is Sicilian so straying is not an option – she knows that too… Watch those fingers, I have seen pictures in safety briefings of dude’s hands after a ring got caught and it’s a real horror show.

FS: Hope you find them. Even looking gets me a shot to the arm.

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

thats really sweet!

Keshi.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

keshi: Thanks, I do have my moments!

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger Chickie said...

Ah, the Hookers in Training! We call them DITs - Dancers In Training.

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

CHickie: Pole Dancers! One of my nephews married a pole dancer.

 
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