Why I am Who I am

The following is long and boring, not meant as an apology, but as a benchmark for those who may not know me. If interested, please read on, if not please skip to the post below and look at the dust storm pictures.

The Phosgene Kid

People change over time and I am no exception. Especially when it comes to things that affect me directly. Where I came from and the way I was raised left an indelible imprint, but my journey through life has changed me significantly. The time in the Air Force has had the most impact on the way I view the world. This may come out in some of my Blogs from time to time. I have mellowed somewhat since retiring from the military, certainly lost any physical conditioning, but beneath the overage overweight body still lurks a warrior spirit. I miss being in the military a lot, which may be the root cause of the depression I suffer. This too may come out in some of my posts.

I have a fierce pride in my country, though not in the government. To be sure there are worse systems but ours has become focused on power and money and no longer represents the ideas I have found in reading about Addams, Jefferson, and some of our other founding fathers. The quest for wealth, power, and privilege amongst the political class and their cronies has tainted the American ideal to the point where it is barely recognizable, and this saddens me to a great degree. Smaller parties are left out by the media because they don’t have the millions of dollars to buy coverage. The Libertarian party and Constitutional party come to mind almost immediately – parties that threaten big government and the tax fattened hyenas in Washington.

I have also lost faith in any religion or supreme being and truly believe we are on our own. I have this one life to live – it is not a dress rehearsal for some great beyond. Looking up at an empty sky and wishing for things is like waiting for father christmas to drop off a sack of toys. It makes for a great story but has no substance. That being said I do not resent those who have faith nor begrudge them their religious beliefs. People should be allowed the freedom to believe as they wish and practice those beliefs so long as they do not force them on others or cause harm in the name of their god. I do admire Buddha, having discovered him through Kerouac and Ferlinghetti. Not as a god, but as an individual who came to understand what life is about, primarily taking care of one another and doing no harm to our fellow man. This does leave me conflicted harking back to my military past, but I try hard to do no harm and to be a helpful person.

My sense of humor gets me into trouble from time to time. I don’t pull many practical jokes anymore, but the sarcasm is still there, so if I appear snarky at times I come by it honestly. I use this twisted sense of humor in dealing with stressful or personally devastating situations. That is where I usually wind up misunderstood – it is just my way of coping. The downside is it is hard for some to know when I am being serious or flippant.