Where’s the “Crockie Guy” When You Need Him?

Once upon a time, while trotting down a road through someone else’s desert, I happened upon the biggest lizard I have ever seen that wasn’t behind glass. I’m talking the size of medium dog. In the briefing I received about the dangers of the desert no one mentioned mini-zilla here, and I couldn’t help but wonder why they’d skip over giant lizards. Maybe they didn’t think anyone would believe them. As I didn’t have my “Nasty Looking Lizards of Kuwait Field Guide”, I began to search through my rather sparse mental collection of lizard lore, still coming up short. It was time to switch into primitive mode, that function of the brain left over from days of yore when being eaten by large creatures was a real possibility. In this mode the brain goes down an ingrained checklist…

- Are there any visible fangs, claws, stingers or other appendages that could do me harm?

- Does it look venomous?

- What does it eat and how did it get so big in an area where there is no obvious food except possibly me?

- What are the chances I could outrun it?

Looking back I can’t help wondering if some of the same questions were flowing through the chickpea sized brain of the creature I had been facing, but I will never know. Evidently the lizard was just curious, and after becoming bored with my lack of activity sauntered back off into the wastes while I jogged off in the opposite direction, remembering the sage advice given me by mom – if you don’t know what it is, leave it alone. Works for me.