Saturday, January 19, 2008

Where’s the “Crockie Guy” When You Need Him?

Once upon a time, while trotting down a road through someone else’s desert, I happened upon the biggest lizard I have ever seen that wasn’t behind glass. I’m talking the size of medium dog. In the briefing I received about the dangers of the desert no one mentioned mini-zilla here, and I couldn’t help but wonder why they’d skip over giant lizards. Maybe they didn’t think anyone would believe them. As I didn’t have my “Nasty Looking Lizards of Kuwait Field Guide”, I began to search through my rather sparse mental collection of lizard lore, still coming up short. It was time to switch into primitive mode, that function of the brain left over from days of yore when being eaten by large creatures was a real possibility. In this mode the brain goes down an ingrained checklist…

- Are there any visible fangs, claws, stingers or other appendages that could do me harm?

- Does it look venomous?

- What does it eat and how did it get so big in an area where there is no obvious food except possibly me?

- What are the chances I could outrun it?

Looking back I can’t help wondering if some of the same questions were flowing through the chickpea sized brain of the creature I had been facing, but I will never know. Evidently the lizard was just curious, and after becoming bored with my lack of activity sauntered back off into the wastes while I jogged off in the opposite direction, remembering the sage advice given me by mom – if you don’t know what it is, leave it alone. Works for me.

16 Comments:

At 2:37 PM, Blogger jin said...

C'mon... I know how guys exaggerate the size of their lizards. I bet it was tiny!

Ah-haahahahahaaaahahaha!!!
;-P

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger /t. said...

ha ha ha hah hah aha hah ah ah ahah ah ah h ahah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah a hah ahah ah ahah ah ahahaha hah ahah ah ahahhahah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah hah ahaah ah ah ahh ah ahahah ah ah a ha ha

that's for phos -- this is a seriously funny post, guy... still chuckling :)

and

ha ha ha aha ah haha hahah hah ahahah ahah ahah a hah a hahah a hah ah ah ah haha haha haha haha hah ah a haha ha ha!

for the very funny jin!

/t.

 
At 5:30 PM, Blogger Little Lamb said...

Works for me, too, but inquiring minds want to know more about that lizard.

I have a new post up and I mention you and /t.

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger Dino aka Katy said...

mhhh so it was a mini komodo dragon?

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

This wasn't a crotch chameleon, this was a huge, black forked tongue sticking out possibly Phos-eating reptile. I can still picture those cold beady eyes in my mind. woo, makes me shake.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger cathy said...

I had a nasty experience with huge spiders, bodies the size of footballs, I found out later that they were harmless but it sure put me in a tizzy for a ehile.

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger ANNA-LYS said...

Scary, indeed!
Thanks for sharing the fear ;-)

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Ruela said...

;) haha!

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Kate said...

lmao... glad it was a happy ending!=] Mother usually does know best! lol

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

ROFL Phos the notorious guy! ;-)

Keshi.

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Eat or be eaten...

 
At 6:44 AM, Blogger Die Muräne said...

Being eaten by a big lizard would at least have something very spectatular. I would write a post about it afterwards ;)

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger nanuk said...

I hear lizard tastes a lot like chicken, eh?

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Chickie said...

Yeah, nothing wrong with live and let live!

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger mummified said...

What a pack of wusses - you should visit the land downunder. The most venomous snakes, spiders, sting rays etc etc - just ask Bill Bryson.

 
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