Thursday, May 18, 2006

Why I am not a Plumber

My wife broke the kitchen faucet; at least she was the last one to see it alive and so began the career of Bob the Plumber. It’s like Bob the Builder, only with more cursing involved.

The space under the kitchen sink is not designed for an old, inflexible fat dude. I knew it was going to be a chore just wedging myself in the cabinet, but I had replaced this faucet once before and didn’t remember it being too bad. The Alzheimer’s Foundation says the memory is the first thing to go and they are right on in this case.

It took me several hours to remove the old faucet. The first hour was spent digging out the garage to the point where I could find the tools. It is hot here in Arizona and the garage is stifling, so before I could clean it I had to turnpower up the little A/C unit I had installed which requires a remote control. The batteries for the remote to the cooling unit were dead, of course. I replaced the batteries and began sifting through the debris looking for the necessary equipment. As I dug through various layers, I prayed no nasties had taken up residence in the pile. I finally found my basin wrench (if there was a god, and I am not saying there is, the basin wrench and the left turn arrow at the intersection would be his most significant gifts to humankind), a crescent wrench, and the clamp light.

The health professionals tell you never put anything larger then you elbow in your ear. It is a big laugh for them because of course it is impossible to put your elbow in your ear, or so I thought. As I twined my arm through the space by drainpipe avoiding the water filtration tank and the garbage disposal, I wound up slapping myself and then sure enough, my elbow became firmly lodged in my ear. That probably accounts for the sever cramp in my shoulder this morning. I was bending in directions humans, particularly old fat humans are not designed to bend. I had to cut one of the feed hoses in order to undo the fitting, but I figured there were feed hoses in the box with the new faucet. This was a big mistake on my part.

I finally horsed the old faucet out of the sink and prepared to install the new faucet. Now you probably saw this coming – there were no new feed hoses in the box with the new faucet. I should have known, working with computers as I do; when you buy a printer, the manufactures never provide the cable you need to lash it up to your PC. The plumbing fixture industry has apparently embraced that cost-cutting tactic whole-heartedly. That was another trip to Lowes.

That is pretty much where we leave the intrepid “Bob the Plumber”. Hopefully tonight will be his finest hour and water will once again run, but hopefully run where it is supposed to be running.

Next: Boating with Bob

14 Comments:

At 12:07 PM, Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

Why not just buy a new house?

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

There's one reason I'm happy I rent. Something like that happens and I call the guy upstairs. "Shit is broken down here." Not only does he fix it, but sometimes I get a discount off the rent!

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger Eternally Curious said...

ROFLMAO. :)) What a way with words! Thanks - I definitely needed that!

Oh...yeah...uhmmm...hope your faucet is all fixed up good and proper by now!

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger jin said...

I can't stop laughing!!! Heeheehee!!! Yes, eternally curious said it best, what a way with words. I pictured the whole escapade!!!
:-)

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Dirk: I think you are on to something - disposable houses. Hell, the homeless have been using them for years, wear out your cardboard box and move on!

Rabbit: My wife has the same deal, only I am "the guy"

EC: Thanks - I only wish I had a way with home repairs.. .

Jin: Ain't over yet, part two is to follow.

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Keshi said...

hate those plumbing/electrical jobs ard the house etc...so far I have been lucky..always called in someone else to fix it :)

Keshi.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

Sounds like you should take up yoga before attempting part II.

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger Tea and Books, etc said...

Crikey, PK! Good luck!

I need to learn how to do plumbing, too. My super is a blippety blip so I don't want him anywhere near my apartment. Unfortunately, that means my kitchen faucet remains unfixed, as well as my toilet flushing handle thingamabob.

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Give the faucet wide berth, but the traditional handle jiggle shoud set the flusher right.

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger wallycrawler said...

I teach plumbing where I work . I'm a "working pro" at the Home Depot . A word from the wise always ask . Ask about the product etc..."Moen over American Standard" American Standard is a much better faucet and is easyer to fix when fatiques . Also what products you would need to fix & finish the job . We are sometimes overwhelmed with questions wait your turn and don't get embarassed , ya can't know everything !

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Tea and Books, etc said...

PK, please give details as to what the jiggle should consist of. My toilet handle needs several yanks to flush despite adjustments to the water pressure. It also won't flush anymore when the handle is pushed rather than yanked.


Wallycrawler: Thanks muchly for the advice. I actually was going to go to Home Depot and ask someone but I was afraid no one would actually answer my questions. And I always wait my turn. ;-)

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

WallyCrawler ain't just another pretty face! I had a Moen and despite the commercials I thought it was a piece fo junk. I replaced it with a Price Phister and am hoping it wasn't a missprint and they actually meant Fisher Price.

 
At 11:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Often what will take the longest to do when fixing a leak is finding which pipe causing the problem to begin with. You may be able to take care of some of your plumbing issues on your own; however, whenever a plumbing job is too big contact a plumber. You may want to search some do it yourself plumbing books on jobs that you feel you can fix without the help of a plumber. You might not be able to contact most plumbers at 3 am in the morning; however, there are a handful who offer 24 hour

Plumber Advice

 
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