Friday, March 03, 2006

Fat Ass Anonymous


Fat Ass Anonymous

Hi, my name is Pk and I am a fat ass. There. It’s out; I can start some sort of 12 step and be done with it. The fault all lays with me, not my genes, society, the fast-food industry or whoever else people with the problem like to blame. I eat too much and I do not exercise and have been living that life since retiring for the military.

Fat, old, and bald, the ultimate chick magnet – hell, even driving a Ferrari wouldn’t improve my chances. As it is I drive an Element, one step closer to that golf cart you see grandpa driving around Sun City.

I am not looking for any sympathy – or advice. Mom’s dead and I am not looking for a substitute. I do have a beef, no pun intended, with stores though. First, fat people aren’t necessarily really short. The right waist size doesn’t do me any good with a really short inseam. Second I don’t have arms god gave a munchkin, I need longer sleeves. And oh, thanks for punishing me by charging me extra for the clothes, as if I am not already miserable enough. If they have the clothes, that is. I swear I am the only fat guy in Phoenix because they never have anything beyond a 44. Even those only have a 30” inseam.

Ok, so I should lose the weight. I’d like to have my hair back and be 20 again too. Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first. I have exercised and tried a myriad of diets, actually lost weight and then wound up right back where I started. The best the doctor could come up with is “yeah, walking is good; you should walk away from the groceries”. Thanks for the tip, jackass. Umpteen years of med school and thousand upon thousands of dollars for help like that. I could be a doctor. I felt like shoving his golf clubs right up his self righteous ass.

Anyway, this isn’t getting me anywhere, just wanted to vent a bit, get the truth out in the open so no one is disillusioned and press on.

3 Comments:

At 12:50 AM, Blogger SC said...

Thanks for sharing, PK. I identified so much with what you said. My story is quite similar. Life was really going downhill fast until I found Fat Ass Anonymous, a readymade group of friends who taught me how to eat even more. I owe them so much, I can't begin to tell you. Hold on a mo, I need the loo...

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

Yeah, it's not like only short people have money! Those "Normies" are just trying to keep the vertically enhanced and the vertically challenged down.

 
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