Friday, April 28, 2006

How We Made Mom Crazy

My brother and I were solely responsible for driving our mother to the edge. I don’t know if that happens to all mothers that have two boys or if we were just special, though I suspect the latter. I do not believe we were tying to drive her insane on purpose it was just that our idea of fun was her idea of a really, really bad nightmare.

When on our own, bad things happened. Odd how harmless fun can turn into so much destruction My parents would go out from time to time and leave my brother and I to our own devices - the fools. We’d have a contest to see who could get their circus peanuts, an orange peanut shaped marshmallow kind of candy, to stick to the ceiling. If they were a little stale and a bit on the firm side, you might have to chew ‘em a bit before you threw them. Either way there contest ended in orange peanut shaped marks on the ceiling.

Usually my brother and I got along pretty well, though once he really pissed me off and I tossed a hard plastic hand brush at him. Fortunately, for him, he slammed the bathroom door just before the brush impacted his rather soft skull. Unfortunately, it was a hollow core door and the brush easily penetrated the panel, leaving a rather conspicuous hole in the flimsy wood. Covering this with a picture we made on the vacu-form machine we had didn’t fool my mother for long. Then there were the pillow fights.

I hit my brother so hard with my pillow that the pillow blew out the sewn end of the pillow case . I knew mom would have a fit about that, but being a resourceful young lad, I figured I could sew it up good as new on her sewing machine and no one would be the wiser. I didn’t have a clue as to how the machine worked and sometimes “winging it” isn’t a good idea. This was one of those times. With a regular needle, you put the tread through the eye that much I knew. I saw a hole in the end of the needle so I figured that would do - it didn’t. What it did do was wrap every cog and gear located under the plate on the foot of the sewing machine in neat little bundles of thread. Now I had a ripped pillowcase and a broken sewing machine. I got a sharp knife and managed to liberate all the gears I could see. I don’t know if that fixed the machine, but the process of de-threading the guts of the machine had the side benefit of keeping me occupied and therefore unable to cause anymore damage. I wound up stitching the case by hand – as if she’d never notice that, but sometimes you got to go with what you have.

We had a lot of fun, cranking dad’s stereo and playing the dynamite blast on the sound effects record he had so we could watch the front picture window move in and out, almost as if it was breathing. I don’t think the stereo was quite the same after that stunt. Then there was riling the dog up ‘til she started biting and pretending she was shark – the carpet was the sea and the furniture served as islands. You had to leap from one island to the next – if you fell in the sea the shark would get you (and she would).

When mom would get home any damage would be assessed, we’d have to listen to it and then she and dad would seem to forget by the next time they decided to go out. It was always “What do you guys have a happy fizzy party while we are gone? Do you shake up a bottle of soda and spray the walls” (we actually hadn’t tried that one yet)? In the need those little Fizzy parties along with a few other stunts came pretty close to punching mom’s ticket to Whackyville, Wisconsin. She survived, but I think we both left home just in time. If you don’t know what fizzies are you may be too young to be reading all this…

11 Comments:

At 4:18 PM, Blogger jin said...

Laughing like CRAZY!!!
Love the circus peanut game!!!
So funny.....
:-D

 
At 1:17 AM, Blogger fooDcrazEE said...

my my ! What a fit ur mum had.....i can imagine that..lolz

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Tea and Books, etc said...

Good grief, PK, you and your brother were much more inventive than me and my sib!

Great stories, though! :-D

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

They need to bring Fizzies back so we can have our own Happy Fizzy Party.

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger fairscape said...

PK
Last night, just before going to sleep, I was thinking about Happy Fizzy Parties. Do you remember the rootbeer flavored ones? I was thinking they must have been part alka seltzer or something else that is horribly bad for you or they would still be around with all the other crap they make to poison kids with today. Maybe someone should write The Vermont Country Store to see if they can bring back Fizzies. Do you think when we are old and in nursing homes they will have Happy Fizzy Parties for us? Will they play Chubby Checker records?
Will we do the Peppermint Twist?

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger mummified said...

Right - no more kiddies for me.
If I stick to one he can only do half the damamge you described - right ?

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger mummified said...

just read my post - I really should spellcheck these things - sorry about that.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Good news, fizzies are back, I actually found a site selling them (hopefully ones just made and not the originals) - no word on "King Stir" though. That was fizzie like material on the end of a plastic stick.

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Mummified: Don't worry about your spelling. I will post and then re-read it and can't believe the number of errors - I could have sworn I went back and checked it all. There was a study done - your brain doesn't process the entire word, it only checks the first and last letter and then comes up witht the word based on past experiences. So as long as you have the first and last letters we're ok.

FoodCrazee: Thanks for dropping by, I promise to post some food stuff soon!

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Rabbit said...

I don't recall getting into nearly as much trouble. I'd say it's because I'm a girl, but I think it's really just that our parents never left us home alone.

 
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