Monday, January 09, 2006

Can you see this now??


Cell phones could become one of the leading factors in the downfall of our country. Everywhere you go (and even while you are getting there) people from post cradle to almost pre-grave have one of the contraptions glued to the side of their face, or have an earphone implanted in one ear and are happily babbling away. The effects of all this phoneage range for the mildly annoying to the outright dangerous.

The annoying is usually the farm animal that has the entire aisle at the grocery store blocked while chatting away with Marge or whoever. Her ass causes a total eclipse of the meat counter - no one is going anywhere and Ms. Big mouth is oblivious to the rest of the world, talking away with her “lifeline” trying to get help deciding between the HoHos or the Devildogs. A corollary to this is the young kid wandering aimlessly as young kids are wont to do, jabbering to one of his pals/latest love (who is also wandering aimlessly) and stepping right in front me of without so much as a glance. As if the young kid’s mind wasn’t already pre-occupied enough with images of disemboweled women and children from his latest slasher video game (more on those another time) know he/she is expending what little brainpower is left on running their mouth. I believe these diabolical devises are making a rude society even ruder – before you know it will be worse than, dare I say it – the French.

The dangerous part is when Mr. Slimy Contractor or Ms. “Porking the Soccer Coach so Timmy Gets to Play More” decides that they aren’t going to let their driving get in the way of their conversation. They can’t use the turn signal because the hand is full of a piece of plastic crap sent to us by our Japanese friends in retaliation for beating them in WWII. I read that even with the hands free set up trying to drive and talk at the same time is risky business. Seems you can only partially concentrate on both, so the driving usually suffers. People can’t even watch where they are walking whilst jabbering – I had a tinhorn businessman step right in my path and when I called him a rude bastard he got all uppity with me. Wonder how he would have felt if I would have just walked right through him? I imagine he is real threat behind the wheel of his leased Beamer.

Here are some simple rules:

Nothing is so important that you can’t wait to get home to call

Kids don’t need cell phones

At the theater in the middle of a movie is a lousy place to yak with Marge (on the phone or in person)

No one wants to hear you yakking away while trying to eat at the next table

The “Tele”” in telephone means you don’t have to shout.

If it feels like you‘re being rude, you are

If you simply must talk on the go in your busy, busy life, then at least pull over or stand the hell out of the way so you don’t offend/kill anyone.

I know this won’t accomplish anything and everyone will go gabbing merrily away, but after the fatal crash (so sorry for the other poor bastard that was involved) I hope they bury Mr. Chatty Chatterton with the cell still clutched in his hand. Wait ‘til he sees the roaming charges in Hell.

3 Comments:

At 9:51 AM, Blogger Sarah Letnes said...

Omigod! My husband and I were at Star Wars III, and a phone rang in the middle of the Wookie scene and he answered it. "I'm at the movies...Star Wars." I never ever thought Sweetface would be capable of killing a man until that day.

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger KyuBall said...

Oh...you know I was going to comment about your "If it feels like you‘re being rude, you are" thing, but Sarah brings me to a lovely story:

I was watching Star Wars Ep 1 at the theater and there was a group of teens three rows down from me and my group of older guys. One of the teens actually DIALS OUT during the under water scene. So, I got up, went to the row infront of the teens, sat and faced the kid with the phone with my arms folded and stared.

She: "What? What's wrong?"
Me: "I paid $8 to see a movie. Since you're going to talk over the whole movie, I figured I come down and get a better seat to watch you."
They: giggle
Me: [stoned faced]
She: [She into the phone.] "This guy just came down to get me off my phone."
Me: [I reach over and take the phone. And hang it up.] "If you want to talk over the movie, buy it when it comes out, and fake fuck your boyfriend while it's on your parent's tv." [I toss the phone to one of her friends]

I walked back to my seat...and got an applause.

I've been asked to never return to that theater.

 
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,

 

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